Today is my day to start process
Today is my turn. The start of it. I need this to begin so badly. The waiting begins this huge anxious feeling. Makes the heart stretch in ways that are uncomfortable.
It is a good morning. A long drive back home. This entire trip was only for my mother's benefit. I tried to enjoy it with here, I just couldn't. I felt that things were on hold for her. That wasn't right.
I didn't think that I should have been experiencing all these great places. Yet I enjoyed the beach. Not because I love the water, just that because I saw how small I am. I appreciated my place with Jehovah a lot more. Yet I should have been appreciating it all along. Now to my sowing I have to see where I my place is.
I have found so many places in the bible where there were deeply disturbed people and Jehovah still wanted them in his fold. I have to realize that Jehovah found me. Numerous times and he will continue to. So I have to hold on.
I am scared a little bit because I don't know what is coming. Yet I am encouraged through these men and women who Jehovah saved. I have gone over David so many times and Saul. Well I see the grand differences and I see I can be both. These two I have a greater appreciation for Jehovah placing their stories inside the bible.
I can't say that I am confident I will be strong but I will try my best. And yes I have support from my family but they don't know the truth of Jehovah. So yes I have support but is it the right kind? I know that they really would help me in my down or lost moments. I don't want to hear "its okay. you can leave." . I don't want to leave Jehovah I just want to be seen and heard by him. Learn and grow. Be a new Mary. Start completely fresh.
I look forward to seeing differences in me. This is my new part of me. I will cry. I will scream. I will be angry. I will be severely sad. Then I will be free to be happy once more. No more looking for help or answers from people. I won't fight against Jehovah anymore. I will let him lead me once more.
Then once more I will see the protection and love.
I won't be lost anymore.
This I am grateful for waking this morning. To be able to get the process started. So I can move on.
It is a good morning. A long drive back home. This entire trip was only for my mother's benefit. I tried to enjoy it with here, I just couldn't. I felt that things were on hold for her. That wasn't right.
I didn't think that I should have been experiencing all these great places. Yet I enjoyed the beach. Not because I love the water, just that because I saw how small I am. I appreciated my place with Jehovah a lot more. Yet I should have been appreciating it all along. Now to my sowing I have to see where I my place is.
I have found so many places in the bible where there were deeply disturbed people and Jehovah still wanted them in his fold. I have to realize that Jehovah found me. Numerous times and he will continue to. So I have to hold on.
I am scared a little bit because I don't know what is coming. Yet I am encouraged through these men and women who Jehovah saved. I have gone over David so many times and Saul. Well I see the grand differences and I see I can be both. These two I have a greater appreciation for Jehovah placing their stories inside the bible.
I can't say that I am confident I will be strong but I will try my best. And yes I have support from my family but they don't know the truth of Jehovah. So yes I have support but is it the right kind? I know that they really would help me in my down or lost moments. I don't want to hear "its okay. you can leave." . I don't want to leave Jehovah I just want to be seen and heard by him. Learn and grow. Be a new Mary. Start completely fresh.
I look forward to seeing differences in me. This is my new part of me. I will cry. I will scream. I will be angry. I will be severely sad. Then I will be free to be happy once more. No more looking for help or answers from people. I won't fight against Jehovah anymore. I will let him lead me once more.
Then once more I will see the protection and love.
I won't be lost anymore.
This I am grateful for waking this morning. To be able to get the process started. So I can move on.
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