I had to research why revenge isn't mine anymore
Thanks to you had to go back and research why revenge isn't mine to take. Because for sure I wanted to call my father's friends up and make sure that swimming wasn't an option for you. Yet I had to dig deeper and see that even in my anger I would not want harm to come to my enemy.
Yet believe me I wanted to kick you so far from the earth that the penguins looked at you in Antarctica and were pooing on you. It just sounded like the ideal position to see you in. Even the penguins deigned you untouchable except through feces. Yeah that is the gist of how I feel about you today.
Thoroughly you have destroyed me in so many aspects and yet you did not know I could walk even after a harsh beating. Ah yes you didn't know me. You never did know me. You thought I was soft, malleable and yet cold. Sadly you were mistaken.
You know nothing of the strength of the women in my family. Nor will you ever understand the strength I have to endure the worst of situations. I have been through a torture and poisonous couple of years in my life. Then the beatings of life or death. No you will never see that kind of extension of me. I never given you privilege to be a part of that depth. Once I thought you may be worthy of hearing only to have you bite down on me for commenting after your tirade about your parents.
Oh yeah I know my personality is a sucker for those hurt in situations like that. You grasp that pretty fast. Yet did you bother to learn why? Oh yeah you knew about my sister. You knew bits and pieces about my ex and you knew nothing about my father.
Believe me when he died I no longer had the need of knives under my bed. I no longer felt the need of refreshing my mind of self defense. Yet I went to help his wife. I went to support his family and yes I helped where I could but as soon as I could I left. Never looking back for as my mother said, the devil demon in our lives was gone. And still there is you.
Peeling away the layers. Trying to find something to use against me. Yet, you don't know that I shut you out long ago. I only kept returning because it was comfortable, I suppose. I actually was changing things. I didn't want you to look at me anymore. I craved it yes but the flaccid moments make you never want to keep trying harder.
You poor thing. So many to gain and yet the one you had available you used for your gain. Well this chickie is tired of your stupid ways. The insignificance of your day. I realize how I got cut off long ago. Yet couldn't understand what the need of coming back was. Only thing I could think of was one of the others, her, wouldn't talk to you. So good ole faithful Mary will talk.
WOW!
And now that you used me to get a rushed division, did it work for you? Can you now look forward to all your new prospects? And the lost ones. The only one you regret losing. How does it make you feel to know nothing will be returned?
The dates that were set, the names that were chosen. All in vain I guess. So sad that you have to learn the hard way. Its bad when you have to watch yourself break, isn't it?
Well Jehovah saved you today. Made me rethink that revenge isn't mine. I may even get to rekindle a friendship. I really don't know. Yet I do know this that genuine love is NEVER like what you gave. I don't even think it was possible for you to love someone much less yourself. That is the only thing I am sad about now.
I am raging with anger and a skyrocketing temperature. Not a grand combo but I suffice. For I know soon to follow is the migraine from all the crying. Hearing the truth, listening to how much you loved her, listening how much she the same. You cut me. Severed my veins from my wrists. Chopped my neck to pieces. For a pure second of joy.
Yeah. I have felt the hole I was put in. I have dug out before. Yet you. You have no idea how to climb so all you do is whine. Hoping some simple, hapless person will see your wails. Wanting to help you and there you are off again to the races.
So pitiful and I drip with such sarcasm. I lean in Jehovah as I dream for a moment of your downfall. Your cuttings. Yes I had hoped for that after her entire conversation. I died.
I truly died.
That was your hope. You got it. I changed the moment she said words I wanted to hear, desired to exit your mouth to me. Then I realize I was hard, cold and indifferent. No longer that soft female you needed with spitfire. Yeah I changed because I found my worth. My boundaries. Apparently it was too much for you. You even labelled me. Called me names.
Sadly I realized it was a reflection of you. Your mirror cracked decades ago so you had to use mine. Well I found a way to make a beautiful mosaic out of mine. Unfortunately yours is gone.
Maybe one day you will find it again. Learn. Grow. Then live. Yet until then you only breathe frigid air. Choking your lungs as you play your game. Slowly I watch as the players fade. Only thing left is that shiny facade you created. Its pickling now and degrading at a rapid succession. One day nothing but charred copper corners greet you.
Find who you are in that decaying mess. Surprisingly you will start the self love session you so needed decades upon decades ago.
By then my hatred of you will have softened to a dull love. The need of even seeing if you read anymore, will be long gone. For then I won't care if I hurt you or visa versa. It won't matter anymore. And I love you any less than a pitiful creature.
Yet believe me I wanted to kick you so far from the earth that the penguins looked at you in Antarctica and were pooing on you. It just sounded like the ideal position to see you in. Even the penguins deigned you untouchable except through feces. Yeah that is the gist of how I feel about you today.
Thoroughly you have destroyed me in so many aspects and yet you did not know I could walk even after a harsh beating. Ah yes you didn't know me. You never did know me. You thought I was soft, malleable and yet cold. Sadly you were mistaken.
You know nothing of the strength of the women in my family. Nor will you ever understand the strength I have to endure the worst of situations. I have been through a torture and poisonous couple of years in my life. Then the beatings of life or death. No you will never see that kind of extension of me. I never given you privilege to be a part of that depth. Once I thought you may be worthy of hearing only to have you bite down on me for commenting after your tirade about your parents.
Oh yeah I know my personality is a sucker for those hurt in situations like that. You grasp that pretty fast. Yet did you bother to learn why? Oh yeah you knew about my sister. You knew bits and pieces about my ex and you knew nothing about my father.
Believe me when he died I no longer had the need of knives under my bed. I no longer felt the need of refreshing my mind of self defense. Yet I went to help his wife. I went to support his family and yes I helped where I could but as soon as I could I left. Never looking back for as my mother said, the devil demon in our lives was gone. And still there is you.
Peeling away the layers. Trying to find something to use against me. Yet, you don't know that I shut you out long ago. I only kept returning because it was comfortable, I suppose. I actually was changing things. I didn't want you to look at me anymore. I craved it yes but the flaccid moments make you never want to keep trying harder.
You poor thing. So many to gain and yet the one you had available you used for your gain. Well this chickie is tired of your stupid ways. The insignificance of your day. I realize how I got cut off long ago. Yet couldn't understand what the need of coming back was. Only thing I could think of was one of the others, her, wouldn't talk to you. So good ole faithful Mary will talk.
WOW!
And now that you used me to get a rushed division, did it work for you? Can you now look forward to all your new prospects? And the lost ones. The only one you regret losing. How does it make you feel to know nothing will be returned?
The dates that were set, the names that were chosen. All in vain I guess. So sad that you have to learn the hard way. Its bad when you have to watch yourself break, isn't it?
Well Jehovah saved you today. Made me rethink that revenge isn't mine. I may even get to rekindle a friendship. I really don't know. Yet I do know this that genuine love is NEVER like what you gave. I don't even think it was possible for you to love someone much less yourself. That is the only thing I am sad about now.
I am raging with anger and a skyrocketing temperature. Not a grand combo but I suffice. For I know soon to follow is the migraine from all the crying. Hearing the truth, listening to how much you loved her, listening how much she the same. You cut me. Severed my veins from my wrists. Chopped my neck to pieces. For a pure second of joy.
Yeah. I have felt the hole I was put in. I have dug out before. Yet you. You have no idea how to climb so all you do is whine. Hoping some simple, hapless person will see your wails. Wanting to help you and there you are off again to the races.
So pitiful and I drip with such sarcasm. I lean in Jehovah as I dream for a moment of your downfall. Your cuttings. Yes I had hoped for that after her entire conversation. I died.
I truly died.
That was your hope. You got it. I changed the moment she said words I wanted to hear, desired to exit your mouth to me. Then I realize I was hard, cold and indifferent. No longer that soft female you needed with spitfire. Yeah I changed because I found my worth. My boundaries. Apparently it was too much for you. You even labelled me. Called me names.
Sadly I realized it was a reflection of you. Your mirror cracked decades ago so you had to use mine. Well I found a way to make a beautiful mosaic out of mine. Unfortunately yours is gone.
Maybe one day you will find it again. Learn. Grow. Then live. Yet until then you only breathe frigid air. Choking your lungs as you play your game. Slowly I watch as the players fade. Only thing left is that shiny facade you created. Its pickling now and degrading at a rapid succession. One day nothing but charred copper corners greet you.
Find who you are in that decaying mess. Surprisingly you will start the self love session you so needed decades upon decades ago.
By then my hatred of you will have softened to a dull love. The need of even seeing if you read anymore, will be long gone. For then I won't care if I hurt you or visa versa. It won't matter anymore. And I love you any less than a pitiful creature.
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