Once I thought I could love
Deep inside of me is the crazy notion of love. So long ago I lost. My mind tells me I am capable of such treasures. Yet could I ever recognize it, if was staring at me? Would I ever know I am truly feeling it?
Am I capable of love? Can that ever be possible? A pursuit of extreme joy has always been my goal. The purity of love I thought, long ago, disappeared.
All these years I built. Taller and taller these stone walls. I needed a strong protection because worthless people have bled me of hope. I needed the stone walls. I needed the heavy concrete. I couldn't bear if someone broke me again. I could face the massive cuts and wounds that took so long to heal. I couldn't, wouldn't let someone in.
Yet. You asked, once.
Never wanted to open myself up to a stranger. Not even to give an opportunity of love. Yet I gave. I opened. I displayed myself as much as I could, for you. I even confessed I loved you. The laughter.
Even now.
Tear me down if you want. Create that ball of firepower between us. I have drowned so many times within your realm that I don't think it even a possibility to be real anymore. I shattered myself, to dust, to be noticed.
Ah laughter echoes inside of me. The irony of our relationship. All in all it was not a relationship. That meant two people worked hard for something to build.
I wanted to let you know I cared, far deeper. Yet I even admitted it. And still it was dissected by you. I wasn't even a friend. Nor a stranger. I don't even know what I was. What was I trying to be.
Instant gratification. Once I was that. Then I was nothing. The sounds of annoyance.
Ah how even way back in the ending of another year, my heart broke, it breaks now. The sarcasm I inhale and stab into myself daily, is the only emotions failing me. I believed once.
Love was possible. Just now understand, not for me.
Knowing. Understanding. I see that joy inside emerald greens and I just leave all things unsaid. I then rebuild the wall. Yes the one I opened for you. All because I thought I understood love.
A joke. Truth in that matter, I am not built for love. I can't dismiss that fact.
Truth it rings a thousand heart breaks.
Am I capable of love? Can that ever be possible? A pursuit of extreme joy has always been my goal. The purity of love I thought, long ago, disappeared.
All these years I built. Taller and taller these stone walls. I needed a strong protection because worthless people have bled me of hope. I needed the stone walls. I needed the heavy concrete. I couldn't bear if someone broke me again. I could face the massive cuts and wounds that took so long to heal. I couldn't, wouldn't let someone in.
Yet. You asked, once.
Never wanted to open myself up to a stranger. Not even to give an opportunity of love. Yet I gave. I opened. I displayed myself as much as I could, for you. I even confessed I loved you. The laughter.
Even now.
Tear me down if you want. Create that ball of firepower between us. I have drowned so many times within your realm that I don't think it even a possibility to be real anymore. I shattered myself, to dust, to be noticed.
Ah laughter echoes inside of me. The irony of our relationship. All in all it was not a relationship. That meant two people worked hard for something to build.
I wanted to let you know I cared, far deeper. Yet I even admitted it. And still it was dissected by you. I wasn't even a friend. Nor a stranger. I don't even know what I was. What was I trying to be.
Instant gratification. Once I was that. Then I was nothing. The sounds of annoyance.
Ah how even way back in the ending of another year, my heart broke, it breaks now. The sarcasm I inhale and stab into myself daily, is the only emotions failing me. I believed once.
Love was possible. Just now understand, not for me.
Knowing. Understanding. I see that joy inside emerald greens and I just leave all things unsaid. I then rebuild the wall. Yes the one I opened for you. All because I thought I understood love.
A joke. Truth in that matter, I am not built for love. I can't dismiss that fact.
Truth it rings a thousand heart breaks.
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