Rebuild if you want
Never really sure what is expected of me except to just keep moving. I only want to be real again. I have not wanted anything more than that in a long time. With friendships I have come to learn that I really wasn't a friend to anyone. I apparently just was trekking through the day.
Never really paying attention anymore. Especially now. I really just absorb bits and pieces of the day. They are all scattered about and I only hope that somewhere, something makes good enough sense for me to carry on.
I don't expect anything from people anymore. I just hope that I am capable of keep moving. When the steps are there to be open, I can be. I can finally find a reason to leap.
Yet already so many decisions are made. Either way the discipline I get I have noted the changes towards the end of the year. I don't want anyone to be affected by me anymore. I tire of always being the middle person. I really tire of always having to defend myself against people that are supposed to be loving.
I so tire of explaining myself to people who never really listened in the first place. I really don't want to get deeply dug inside of anything anymore. I have lost so much. I put so much effort into things and I always seem to get shafted for my efforts. I must admit though that at times, I actually thought I meant something to some. I was such a fool for believing that people actually WANTED to know about me.
I am so tired of putting so much emotion, hard work into building friendships with people only to watch the bridges burn. I tire of repeatedly rebuilding only to watch the arson follow through. You know what, what really upsets me, is that never once was I fought for. I meant NOTHING. That is the part that kills all friendships.
So if you dearly want to learn, start fresh with a new line. Start with a rope bridge because those are so much easier to burn. If the rebuilt is wanted you must do so. I will be living my life on my side. I can't stop to help. I need to heal from the burn marks from the last one.
Now I just build my life with Jehovah. I can't be building with people right now. I can only build with those I trust. At this moment it is Jehovah and myself. All else I can't say.
Never really paying attention anymore. Especially now. I really just absorb bits and pieces of the day. They are all scattered about and I only hope that somewhere, something makes good enough sense for me to carry on.
I don't expect anything from people anymore. I just hope that I am capable of keep moving. When the steps are there to be open, I can be. I can finally find a reason to leap.
Yet already so many decisions are made. Either way the discipline I get I have noted the changes towards the end of the year. I don't want anyone to be affected by me anymore. I tire of always being the middle person. I really tire of always having to defend myself against people that are supposed to be loving.
I so tire of explaining myself to people who never really listened in the first place. I really don't want to get deeply dug inside of anything anymore. I have lost so much. I put so much effort into things and I always seem to get shafted for my efforts. I must admit though that at times, I actually thought I meant something to some. I was such a fool for believing that people actually WANTED to know about me.
I am so tired of putting so much emotion, hard work into building friendships with people only to watch the bridges burn. I tire of repeatedly rebuilding only to watch the arson follow through. You know what, what really upsets me, is that never once was I fought for. I meant NOTHING. That is the part that kills all friendships.
So if you dearly want to learn, start fresh with a new line. Start with a rope bridge because those are so much easier to burn. If the rebuilt is wanted you must do so. I will be living my life on my side. I can't stop to help. I need to heal from the burn marks from the last one.
Now I just build my life with Jehovah. I can't be building with people right now. I can only build with those I trust. At this moment it is Jehovah and myself. All else I can't say.
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