Caressing the wind
I break open the stuck balcony door. I stand, leaning over the black wrought iron railing. Caressing the wind with my fingers. Spreading them wide.
Closing my eyes. I feel the tears fall down my cheeks. I trace the lines with my finger tips. I laugh. I feel a release of pain. Oh how I am released.
Chilled. Yet I am clearing my mind. Focusing on the dark sky and stars. I stand here trying to see life more positive. Yet the heart fights against the mind. A constant war.
Then you face crosses the wind, in a memory. Ah I sink to the concrete floor. Leaning against the railing. Cold but thriving. So lost right now.
Lighter and lighter you fade. My soul no longer aches. Ah how the night echoes the truth I knew from the beginning. I only choked it back so many times. Why?
Life speaks to me. I shake my head in denial. I wanted so much. Yet none was mine to take. I cry.
Times like this I am surprised I still exist. The world echoes the worries I carry. Yet some mean nothing now.
Wrong. Twisted. Lost. A road I followed for a long time. Gently I press myself against the bars once more. Making me feel real once more. Then up I go. Stalling for a moment, just to breathe. Daring myself not to linger on thoughts of you.
Scared I was for a long time, the what ifs. Oh how that I should have listened to myself. Yet I couldn't I didn't want to believe. Still.
I said no, no I won't get hurt again. This time around there is no attachment. Yet it was worse.
Insecure and never knowing. Gentle, I calm myself. Tears I dry. Sniffles I stop.
Never knew.
Timid I am now. This way I will remain for a while. Quiet. So many people will notice and yet I will do nothing to stop their talk.
Not sure if I can help them see positive. Clearly I need them badly.
Dare myself, I enter the house. Closing the door. Locking it. Praying that my mind settles the heart. Careful not to wonder. Just keep moving.
Going forward. Being sure of steps, now.
Closing my eyes. I feel the tears fall down my cheeks. I trace the lines with my finger tips. I laugh. I feel a release of pain. Oh how I am released.
Chilled. Yet I am clearing my mind. Focusing on the dark sky and stars. I stand here trying to see life more positive. Yet the heart fights against the mind. A constant war.
Then you face crosses the wind, in a memory. Ah I sink to the concrete floor. Leaning against the railing. Cold but thriving. So lost right now.
Lighter and lighter you fade. My soul no longer aches. Ah how the night echoes the truth I knew from the beginning. I only choked it back so many times. Why?
Life speaks to me. I shake my head in denial. I wanted so much. Yet none was mine to take. I cry.
Times like this I am surprised I still exist. The world echoes the worries I carry. Yet some mean nothing now.
Wrong. Twisted. Lost. A road I followed for a long time. Gently I press myself against the bars once more. Making me feel real once more. Then up I go. Stalling for a moment, just to breathe. Daring myself not to linger on thoughts of you.
Scared I was for a long time, the what ifs. Oh how that I should have listened to myself. Yet I couldn't I didn't want to believe. Still.
I said no, no I won't get hurt again. This time around there is no attachment. Yet it was worse.
Insecure and never knowing. Gentle, I calm myself. Tears I dry. Sniffles I stop.
Never knew.
Timid I am now. This way I will remain for a while. Quiet. So many people will notice and yet I will do nothing to stop their talk.
Not sure if I can help them see positive. Clearly I need them badly.
Dare myself, I enter the house. Closing the door. Locking it. Praying that my mind settles the heart. Careful not to wonder. Just keep moving.
Going forward. Being sure of steps, now.
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