Intricate can befuddle many
I once dreamed of splendid things. The beauty of life surrounding me. The love of family and hopes. Ah how silly I was then. How reality would soon arrive. Yet this is where I built my imagination. Yes the dinosaurs on the railroad tracks.
Yes it is okay to laugh. I know I have several times.
Yet I have created barriers, walls so I must say. Only in hopes that the child inside of me remains, momentarily. No. No voices are rattling inside of my head. No I have no multiple parts of me. I have layers but not multiples.
Ah so the scientific words, no I am not crazy nor insane. Just very reclusive. Very hidden. To expose those layers all at once would probably send someone to the looney bin. I am sure that the contents that are held inside of me would make their mind explode. So no, I don't really give out much information.
For those who have tried to know me over the years still find me cold and closed off. Yet I like the sound of reserved or private. Silent except here. I don't want people to use their knowledge of me to break me in pieces.
I have spent years building a way to protect myself. The hopes that one day I didn't have to do it anymore. To finally let down my guard. Though even the ones that have known me almost a lifetime, still find themselves at a loss of words. I am constantly retrieving new memories to give to them. A shock to their systems, at times. The bomb dropped, so to say.
Even I don't understand my layers, levels. I couldn't explain all parts of me either, much less comprehend. To think of it this way, a formula that needs a mass explanation and still you don't reach the correct answer or still in search of the ending. That is me.
Not a story everyone wants to try to dive into. All the twists and turns, the mystery and the suspense. Indeed I am a contradiction in myself. I so passionately want to be spontaneous but I have to plan to be so. So how is that possible?
So I truly can see why people think I am crazy. Truly can see how I confuse or have many misunderstandings because of my thoughts or words. I understand so much that I even confuse and frustrate myself.
And oh my to ask me what I am feeling. I couldn't tell you straight to your face. Even more so is that I have to use a parable for someone to get an "idea" of my emotion. Plus to ask if I am mad at you, I would never really step up to say it because I so dearly dislike conflict or disagreements.
Ah the confusion I give people. It is not intentional. I just am quite the oddball. Yes I am such and I accept that I am quirky. I just have to realize that is not in everyone forte. Not everyone will like the different sides, layers of me. I just have to distinguish those who want to know and those who are overwhelmed.
For those who called me crazy, remind yourself that quirky best suits me. I have many parts of me that remain quiet and if I gave you bits of me, remember that it was because I wanted you to begin to understand me.
Yet I still understand I am complex. Not high maintenance. Just intricate or complicated. So if you were overwhelmed and felt the need to label me, I feel sad that I befuddled your mind.
Alas I change daily, adjusting to the new pieces of me. Daily a stretch to be "normal" in any circumstance. And reality is that I don't ever want to be normal. I love being me. Complex and different.
Yes it is okay to laugh. I know I have several times.
Yet I have created barriers, walls so I must say. Only in hopes that the child inside of me remains, momentarily. No. No voices are rattling inside of my head. No I have no multiple parts of me. I have layers but not multiples.
Ah so the scientific words, no I am not crazy nor insane. Just very reclusive. Very hidden. To expose those layers all at once would probably send someone to the looney bin. I am sure that the contents that are held inside of me would make their mind explode. So no, I don't really give out much information.
For those who have tried to know me over the years still find me cold and closed off. Yet I like the sound of reserved or private. Silent except here. I don't want people to use their knowledge of me to break me in pieces.
I have spent years building a way to protect myself. The hopes that one day I didn't have to do it anymore. To finally let down my guard. Though even the ones that have known me almost a lifetime, still find themselves at a loss of words. I am constantly retrieving new memories to give to them. A shock to their systems, at times. The bomb dropped, so to say.
Even I don't understand my layers, levels. I couldn't explain all parts of me either, much less comprehend. To think of it this way, a formula that needs a mass explanation and still you don't reach the correct answer or still in search of the ending. That is me.
Not a story everyone wants to try to dive into. All the twists and turns, the mystery and the suspense. Indeed I am a contradiction in myself. I so passionately want to be spontaneous but I have to plan to be so. So how is that possible?
So I truly can see why people think I am crazy. Truly can see how I confuse or have many misunderstandings because of my thoughts or words. I understand so much that I even confuse and frustrate myself.
And oh my to ask me what I am feeling. I couldn't tell you straight to your face. Even more so is that I have to use a parable for someone to get an "idea" of my emotion. Plus to ask if I am mad at you, I would never really step up to say it because I so dearly dislike conflict or disagreements.
Ah the confusion I give people. It is not intentional. I just am quite the oddball. Yes I am such and I accept that I am quirky. I just have to realize that is not in everyone forte. Not everyone will like the different sides, layers of me. I just have to distinguish those who want to know and those who are overwhelmed.
For those who called me crazy, remind yourself that quirky best suits me. I have many parts of me that remain quiet and if I gave you bits of me, remember that it was because I wanted you to begin to understand me.
Yet I still understand I am complex. Not high maintenance. Just intricate or complicated. So if you were overwhelmed and felt the need to label me, I feel sad that I befuddled your mind.
Alas I change daily, adjusting to the new pieces of me. Daily a stretch to be "normal" in any circumstance. And reality is that I don't ever want to be normal. I love being me. Complex and different.
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