I mean something, to Jehovah
I thought I had seen and heard it all but I was so sadly mistaken. So understanding how people could mutter under their breath. The slips of words they think I don't hear, nor see. It is strange how, yes I am hearing impaired but I do read lips and I can hear you when the words are muttered on the air.
I am astonished a bit by what can come out of respectable people's mouths. Especially when they believe I am the only pebble in their shoe. So fair, I suppose, for they will never know the whole story. So speculation and hearsay is all they have. I feel pity for them.
Instead of saying words to my face the results have to be hidden innuendos and snobbery. Funny how I never was acceptable anyhow. My status always kept me below your noses. Funny that isn't the loving way.
And still I forgive you of your snobbery. I forgive you of your hateful words under your breath, even in the wind. I forgive you. For there are no limits in the amounts of times I will forgive. Yet it doesn't mean I forget. Just means that I have standards. By fault they are supremely different than yours. Yet you NEVER walked in my shoes so you have no idea.
And then to I let go. I have had snobbery my entire life. Especially from those who thought I was no better than dirt or poor relation to them. Believe me when I say that doesn't cause a ruckus anymore.
All I feel is sorrow on the parts of people who only know parts of a story. Never would they ask, just speculate. It is a sad way to go about life, yet here in the south it is common.
I have learned well to keep maintaining my distance. Yet close quarters make the corners harder to be isolating. Slowly the edges get claustrophobic and the breaths even more rapid. Then the escape from place is only way to survive.
Yet no one has that right but Jehovah to take away my way to survive. People can crowd and project injustices all they want, but don't grab at straws when there is only one side laid out before you. Don't you dare assume things.
Ah. The anger that sat inside of me momentarily. Not really heated anger just that of irritation. Surprising how only I defend myself. Still not sure if that is allowed. Though I just keep going forward. Forgetting how shallow some situations can be and how far from the truth people lean.
I am thankful Jehovah has taught me my triggers of impatience. The ways I can divert from casualties. So I am listening. Just not hearing the saddening words in the air.
Don't bother to stare either. It won't cause me to be rattled much anymore. Released all my fear of humans. Now it is all focused on Jehovah. And with him are my weighted concerns.
I still strive to see the humor and goodness in the moment. The quick dispersing and the shallow breathless, nasty words projected. I only see it as the anger and hurt they are projecting. Yet stop.
It does no good to be that way. And all I can do is pray that you all heal the way you are supposed to do. I can only hope.
Because I tire of being reminded that my state of living is beneath people. Last I looked I am Jehovah's child too. I may be struggling in things but I am regaining my relationship with Jehovah. Dare I say no one will step in the way now. So please stop looking down at me from your nose. I am not beneath you, but beside you.
No one is perfect, by far neither are you. Please stop assuming as though you were. James 3:2 I repeat often now We all stumble many times. So far from Adam state of perfection that simply looking into my motives you see disgust but you can never read my heart, Jehovah does that.
He will give me what I am due because he knows what I need. So stop playing like you know anything about me, only Jehovah truly knows me.
I am astonished a bit by what can come out of respectable people's mouths. Especially when they believe I am the only pebble in their shoe. So fair, I suppose, for they will never know the whole story. So speculation and hearsay is all they have. I feel pity for them.
Instead of saying words to my face the results have to be hidden innuendos and snobbery. Funny how I never was acceptable anyhow. My status always kept me below your noses. Funny that isn't the loving way.
And still I forgive you of your snobbery. I forgive you of your hateful words under your breath, even in the wind. I forgive you. For there are no limits in the amounts of times I will forgive. Yet it doesn't mean I forget. Just means that I have standards. By fault they are supremely different than yours. Yet you NEVER walked in my shoes so you have no idea.
And then to I let go. I have had snobbery my entire life. Especially from those who thought I was no better than dirt or poor relation to them. Believe me when I say that doesn't cause a ruckus anymore.
All I feel is sorrow on the parts of people who only know parts of a story. Never would they ask, just speculate. It is a sad way to go about life, yet here in the south it is common.
I have learned well to keep maintaining my distance. Yet close quarters make the corners harder to be isolating. Slowly the edges get claustrophobic and the breaths even more rapid. Then the escape from place is only way to survive.
Yet no one has that right but Jehovah to take away my way to survive. People can crowd and project injustices all they want, but don't grab at straws when there is only one side laid out before you. Don't you dare assume things.
Ah. The anger that sat inside of me momentarily. Not really heated anger just that of irritation. Surprising how only I defend myself. Still not sure if that is allowed. Though I just keep going forward. Forgetting how shallow some situations can be and how far from the truth people lean.
I am thankful Jehovah has taught me my triggers of impatience. The ways I can divert from casualties. So I am listening. Just not hearing the saddening words in the air.
Don't bother to stare either. It won't cause me to be rattled much anymore. Released all my fear of humans. Now it is all focused on Jehovah. And with him are my weighted concerns.
I still strive to see the humor and goodness in the moment. The quick dispersing and the shallow breathless, nasty words projected. I only see it as the anger and hurt they are projecting. Yet stop.
It does no good to be that way. And all I can do is pray that you all heal the way you are supposed to do. I can only hope.
Because I tire of being reminded that my state of living is beneath people. Last I looked I am Jehovah's child too. I may be struggling in things but I am regaining my relationship with Jehovah. Dare I say no one will step in the way now. So please stop looking down at me from your nose. I am not beneath you, but beside you.
No one is perfect, by far neither are you. Please stop assuming as though you were. James 3:2 I repeat often now We all stumble many times. So far from Adam state of perfection that simply looking into my motives you see disgust but you can never read my heart, Jehovah does that.
He will give me what I am due because he knows what I need. So stop playing like you know anything about me, only Jehovah truly knows me.
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