Shall I whisper

Staring out at the blackened sky. The reflection of my light in the window pane and my silhouette on the wall. Sorrow echoes inside my spirit. My mind reaches for the words but instead the demand of more rain to pour finds hope inside of me.

A light rejoice in the night as I beckon the soothing droplets to cleanse, wash away all that brings turmoil to my heart. The sky weeps now. Holding onto the thunders so that not even lightning explodes. Just the pitter patter of streaks down my glass. I hold in a large sigh.

Time releases the envious screams I have been holding in. Those I see of lost loves, of lovers, of hands being held, kisses found on lips, necks and forehead. Oh how I dare to taunt myself. Deserting my emotions to wander aimlessly down memory lane. No. No. I don't recall ever having these. Once. Maybe.

Shall I whisper my hopes? Dare I want my worries to be known? Though all I do is just stare into the sky. Leaning against the window question, why, in my head. Greatness failed. Falling I am for losing. Though I see that I was never in the running. I could never be. I was just a stranger looking in. Longing. Envying.

That was my problem.

I close my eyes to envision the last time I said truth to you. Ah. Lastly I can't remember when I told you my truth inside my emotions. I can't recall ever letting you see me. That was my problem. I changed. 

Dare I dream? No.

Too ignorant some thought me to be, to see to know. Yet their fingers pointed and called me names. Dared to voice myself, oh no. I saw no reason to. Already was assumed the simple one, the crazy one. So remaining quiet was the best way to live life. I noticed all the changes. That is how I had to change. I had to adapt to the changes around me.

Yours. I saw.

Yet I wasted away by how much people thought me insignificant enough. I bled because all those insinuations where crushing me.  And no one took the opportunity to defend me. Nor stand up for me in the scenes I could not be there for myself. Those are the changes I had to make.

I bled.

No one saw the depth I cut. No one understood me anyways. Still don't. That is the sadness I carry.

Tokens I once needed. Just to be understood. Ah yet that could never be. Tokens I would give, just to be forgiven. Alas not today. Not tomorrow. Nor next year.

Just to be truly understood and not mistaken for the depth I know. Oh how I learn I am different. I have not forgotten, my labels. Just the imperfect person that decided I needed a label.

I am still here. Just me.

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