Tapped out
Tapped out and ready to just exit. I look around and see nothing worth keeping. Not even my art is worth anything. And yet if I throw that away it just means you win. No I cannot let that happen. Just like walking away from my ex husband.
Ah that was fun times. Poison, control and abuse. Only to land in a similar situation. I am in my own cycle. But just a few weeks ago I stopped my circle. Then to have her tell me stuff. Why even bother? Did you tell her to? Did you hope to draw some completion by letting her come to me? The hopes that I would feel sorrow for her, your story. Oh genuine of you to think of me.
No I can't hear her words. They hurt me all over again. Just when I was settling for knowing I was the cause of things. She had to barge into my life again. I wiped her out when you defended her. I wiped her out. It was necessary so I could move forward. And still you push more.
I laugh. You just have to have that control. That last word. Well bite your tongue.
I forgave you and her. Even your parents and the others. The words that people whisper to me. I forgive them all. Because that IS HOW I HAD TO MOVE ON. Yet, you sitting there in your rooms looking at my words. Feeling absolutely nothing, or just rocking the labels out to another person. Either way I don't see how you need to read anything I have to say. You gain NOTHING.
Yet she does. Poor poor creature. Your lovely pet. Well sorry I can't budge on what I know. As far as her saying her situation with you, seriously, what was the purpose in that? To ask for forgiveness in your joint effort of destroying a person? Really? I mean what is the gain. I know there is some sick twisted pleasure you gain from it. Its part of who you both are.
I had almost gotten over everything. Ready to accept my discipline. Now I am only seeing that I was the willing person that was the means of your escape. Is that not just sickness in your minds? Seriously plans you had. Agendas that you were going to attain. Truly remarkable that I was even inside your story, but that of a pebble in your shoe.
So sorry I hurt your ego, the sore you carried on your foot.
The anger inside of me wants to make sure you get your due justice. Yet you learn nothing from it. You gain that long awaited freedom you want, and her too. So in efforts you still can gain each other. Sadly that so many had to be destroyed so you could both play house. Silly how real men don't play house. Real men.
What am I talking about. You can't be classified as that. You are no better than the other men. All players in your own way. And she is too.
I care not if this hurts you, hurts her. This is my forum. Not yours, not hers. This is where I become Mary, right before your eyes. And you still learn NOTHING of me. Still you sit there reading. Wondering how to comprehend all the layers of me. Seriously, if you can find the core I will give you a complete handshake and true hug. Yet you won't find it. I built my walls again.
I traded so I could be rebuilt. I gave up. I let everything go wayside. Yes I let myself go. Even took measures a great steps for you. Only to realize with her you took nothing. SO stupid, almost innocent I was of the scheming.
Yet. Well.
All well said and done. Its over. No more reasoning within myself that I hope you have a hope for me. She finalized that dream for me. She told me so much that I actually felt sorry for both of your losses. And still I can't wrap my head around why I was called ice when you both are just that. Ice that heats.
Interesting how I felt so sliced all day today. Cut in half. Well I know I should. My soul and my spirit were separate. My need for revenge was high. My hatred of you both seemed to soar above the clouds, beyond the stars and dance with the angels. That is truth. That is what the depth of me toward you both are.
I know you deserve each other. Mental capacities are equal. Trained yourselves well. And I feel no pity now. Just a lot of anger.
Damaged.
I don't scream. I don't dissect. I just absorb.
One day you will experience that. Tell me, when you do, how did it feel? How did the cutting of your spirit and your soul feel? Truly?
Today I learn a wave of stuff. Carried too much on my shoulders and died a few times. I must say that the rude awakening was nasty. I have to thank you both for be somewhat straightforward, after the fact. Oh wait. Nothing you have said.
So just forget about Mary Marshall. Forget about all the things given in memories and hopes. All the talks and the dreams. Forget. erase me.
Don't come here anymore. You won't know me.
Ah that was fun times. Poison, control and abuse. Only to land in a similar situation. I am in my own cycle. But just a few weeks ago I stopped my circle. Then to have her tell me stuff. Why even bother? Did you tell her to? Did you hope to draw some completion by letting her come to me? The hopes that I would feel sorrow for her, your story. Oh genuine of you to think of me.
No I can't hear her words. They hurt me all over again. Just when I was settling for knowing I was the cause of things. She had to barge into my life again. I wiped her out when you defended her. I wiped her out. It was necessary so I could move forward. And still you push more.
I laugh. You just have to have that control. That last word. Well bite your tongue.
I forgave you and her. Even your parents and the others. The words that people whisper to me. I forgive them all. Because that IS HOW I HAD TO MOVE ON. Yet, you sitting there in your rooms looking at my words. Feeling absolutely nothing, or just rocking the labels out to another person. Either way I don't see how you need to read anything I have to say. You gain NOTHING.
Yet she does. Poor poor creature. Your lovely pet. Well sorry I can't budge on what I know. As far as her saying her situation with you, seriously, what was the purpose in that? To ask for forgiveness in your joint effort of destroying a person? Really? I mean what is the gain. I know there is some sick twisted pleasure you gain from it. Its part of who you both are.
I had almost gotten over everything. Ready to accept my discipline. Now I am only seeing that I was the willing person that was the means of your escape. Is that not just sickness in your minds? Seriously plans you had. Agendas that you were going to attain. Truly remarkable that I was even inside your story, but that of a pebble in your shoe.
So sorry I hurt your ego, the sore you carried on your foot.
The anger inside of me wants to make sure you get your due justice. Yet you learn nothing from it. You gain that long awaited freedom you want, and her too. So in efforts you still can gain each other. Sadly that so many had to be destroyed so you could both play house. Silly how real men don't play house. Real men.
What am I talking about. You can't be classified as that. You are no better than the other men. All players in your own way. And she is too.
I care not if this hurts you, hurts her. This is my forum. Not yours, not hers. This is where I become Mary, right before your eyes. And you still learn NOTHING of me. Still you sit there reading. Wondering how to comprehend all the layers of me. Seriously, if you can find the core I will give you a complete handshake and true hug. Yet you won't find it. I built my walls again.
I traded so I could be rebuilt. I gave up. I let everything go wayside. Yes I let myself go. Even took measures a great steps for you. Only to realize with her you took nothing. SO stupid, almost innocent I was of the scheming.
Yet. Well.
All well said and done. Its over. No more reasoning within myself that I hope you have a hope for me. She finalized that dream for me. She told me so much that I actually felt sorry for both of your losses. And still I can't wrap my head around why I was called ice when you both are just that. Ice that heats.
Interesting how I felt so sliced all day today. Cut in half. Well I know I should. My soul and my spirit were separate. My need for revenge was high. My hatred of you both seemed to soar above the clouds, beyond the stars and dance with the angels. That is truth. That is what the depth of me toward you both are.
I know you deserve each other. Mental capacities are equal. Trained yourselves well. And I feel no pity now. Just a lot of anger.
Damaged.
I don't scream. I don't dissect. I just absorb.
One day you will experience that. Tell me, when you do, how did it feel? How did the cutting of your spirit and your soul feel? Truly?
Today I learn a wave of stuff. Carried too much on my shoulders and died a few times. I must say that the rude awakening was nasty. I have to thank you both for be somewhat straightforward, after the fact. Oh wait. Nothing you have said.
So just forget about Mary Marshall. Forget about all the things given in memories and hopes. All the talks and the dreams. Forget. erase me.
Don't come here anymore. You won't know me.
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