Did I accept more than I should have?
Shall I weep for the lies I accepted? Oh no. I hid behind a lot of different things. How shall I let myself ever trust you again? Dare I even try? Is it possible for you feel anything, anyhow?
Rancid was the idea of being that other woman in your life. Much less being the third or fourth. Yet I stood by you. Sat there accepting the facts. I was crazy because I knew. I asked myself long ago, if that was all you were going to offer what makes you think I was going to continue to allow it? Did you not once think about that?
Why would I still search for truth in your eyes? Why did you not think I was worthy of the real you? Why?
My eyes saw so much. Yet I let it go. I let you have what you wanted. I gave in to all the restrictions. All because I knew something had changed. I had known all along. Yet you deemed me silly, crazy and insignificant. Sad that you were the silly, stupid one.
I saw so much. I was glad you walked away. I was grateful that you finally let me know that I could not help you. I could never mean anything to you. It hurt. I put years into everything but I know that doesn't mean much to one who is so sane.
One who could never understand why I remained. My wasted away last time. It took years to let go. Years. I ached for a long time. And this time around I had hoped. Oh I fooled myself again. I believed I actually would gain something more this time.
Yet I only wanted a true caress. A real kiss.
Time will tell me where I need to go. Life will pull me to the right thoughts now. All will be won in the end. I no longer need to see. I know that every part of you washed me away. Put me in the trash. Because you could not wait to put me there. Long ago you dreamed of that.
I know that.
You asked once why I continue to hold on? Did I just want to view you as a client? I appeased you with whatever you wanted. Then you proceeded to tell others about me. About these arrangements. Believe me I knew you were different. I took whatever I could have.
I believed many lies because I still stood for you. Silently. Even when I was attacked I stood for you. I defended you in so many ways. Yet that is my downfall. That is the part of my role.
Never a woman to you. Not even a toy. Just trash.
Well let me help you walk to the dumpster. Just no more lies.
Rancid was the idea of being that other woman in your life. Much less being the third or fourth. Yet I stood by you. Sat there accepting the facts. I was crazy because I knew. I asked myself long ago, if that was all you were going to offer what makes you think I was going to continue to allow it? Did you not once think about that?
Why would I still search for truth in your eyes? Why did you not think I was worthy of the real you? Why?
My eyes saw so much. Yet I let it go. I let you have what you wanted. I gave in to all the restrictions. All because I knew something had changed. I had known all along. Yet you deemed me silly, crazy and insignificant. Sad that you were the silly, stupid one.
I saw so much. I was glad you walked away. I was grateful that you finally let me know that I could not help you. I could never mean anything to you. It hurt. I put years into everything but I know that doesn't mean much to one who is so sane.
One who could never understand why I remained. My wasted away last time. It took years to let go. Years. I ached for a long time. And this time around I had hoped. Oh I fooled myself again. I believed I actually would gain something more this time.
Yet I only wanted a true caress. A real kiss.
Time will tell me where I need to go. Life will pull me to the right thoughts now. All will be won in the end. I no longer need to see. I know that every part of you washed me away. Put me in the trash. Because you could not wait to put me there. Long ago you dreamed of that.
I know that.
You asked once why I continue to hold on? Did I just want to view you as a client? I appeased you with whatever you wanted. Then you proceeded to tell others about me. About these arrangements. Believe me I knew you were different. I took whatever I could have.
I believed many lies because I still stood for you. Silently. Even when I was attacked I stood for you. I defended you in so many ways. Yet that is my downfall. That is the part of my role.
Never a woman to you. Not even a toy. Just trash.
Well let me help you walk to the dumpster. Just no more lies.
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