Killing me slowly, as you wished
I had to back away. Look at the situation at hand and branch out to brothers who will help me. I had to understand the viciousness of why your woman branched out to me. Ah I understand now. Her plea.
I wasn't coy enough to let her game come upon me. Yeah everything she said to me hurt me deeper. The knife cut me twice as deep. Just when I was finally finding peace. I realize that Satan knew it would dig into me.
Killing me over and over again. Until I said STOP!
I realize now it was a test. Your test against me. Well now you know I don't trust you nor her. I never will.
I realize my part in all this, I did so willingly. I stepped forward too. And yes I deserve the part of me separated eternally from this Organization. I realize that I too brought disruption to the party. I understand and own up to my actions. Yet did you?
I can't look back now. Maybe just one more time when I am asked more questions. But I ache to find a new me. I ache.
Even more sad is the just how lowly I was thought of in this whole ploy. I realize I was just a temporary thing. And as "friends" I still was nothing. I only regret one thing, that was inviting you back into my life.
It took a whole movie to wash away the anger I feel. The disappointment that I played a roll in all this. How did I let myself succumb to your charm? Ah because I believed you were different, this time.
I am a fool. So much of one I that I don't even know where I go from here. If I just want to die inside or keep moving forward. I choke on sobs. I cry to no end. And yet that does nothing for the hurt within me.
I need to get out. Your pretending kills me. It shows you have no clue how to change. The silliness of the situations of hope, I just know that whatever happens to me I will be moving on. I will get away from you.
The toxic waste will settle and life will carry on. Just as Jehovah allows it to. The changes I will have to make to keep going, well I will see in due time.
For now I continue to write. You don't need to read anymore. You have what you always wanted. A family. I love so deep. And yet you search for more.
I am laughing that nothing is ever good enough for you. Perhaps you need to lower your standards. Believe me I did for you.
Turning different. I tire of this nonsense. This craziness that I project, why? Because I read you like a fictional book. Watching the boring cycles and tiring easily. I look forward when I no longer wonder. When I no longer hope for you. I long for when I no longer need to feel anything well after I say your name.
I am so determined. You hurt me like nothing before. And still your women keep contacting me. Please tell them to leave me alone. I am nothing to you. I was and never will be something to you. SO call off their hounds.
I tire of all the pleas they have. I see the fake. I see their lingering hopes. I tire of watching this drama of yours.
I wasn't coy enough to let her game come upon me. Yeah everything she said to me hurt me deeper. The knife cut me twice as deep. Just when I was finally finding peace. I realize that Satan knew it would dig into me.
Killing me over and over again. Until I said STOP!
I realize now it was a test. Your test against me. Well now you know I don't trust you nor her. I never will.
I realize my part in all this, I did so willingly. I stepped forward too. And yes I deserve the part of me separated eternally from this Organization. I realize that I too brought disruption to the party. I understand and own up to my actions. Yet did you?
I can't look back now. Maybe just one more time when I am asked more questions. But I ache to find a new me. I ache.
Even more sad is the just how lowly I was thought of in this whole ploy. I realize I was just a temporary thing. And as "friends" I still was nothing. I only regret one thing, that was inviting you back into my life.
It took a whole movie to wash away the anger I feel. The disappointment that I played a roll in all this. How did I let myself succumb to your charm? Ah because I believed you were different, this time.
I am a fool. So much of one I that I don't even know where I go from here. If I just want to die inside or keep moving forward. I choke on sobs. I cry to no end. And yet that does nothing for the hurt within me.
I need to get out. Your pretending kills me. It shows you have no clue how to change. The silliness of the situations of hope, I just know that whatever happens to me I will be moving on. I will get away from you.
The toxic waste will settle and life will carry on. Just as Jehovah allows it to. The changes I will have to make to keep going, well I will see in due time.
For now I continue to write. You don't need to read anymore. You have what you always wanted. A family. I love so deep. And yet you search for more.
I am laughing that nothing is ever good enough for you. Perhaps you need to lower your standards. Believe me I did for you.
Turning different. I tire of this nonsense. This craziness that I project, why? Because I read you like a fictional book. Watching the boring cycles and tiring easily. I look forward when I no longer wonder. When I no longer hope for you. I long for when I no longer need to feel anything well after I say your name.
I am so determined. You hurt me like nothing before. And still your women keep contacting me. Please tell them to leave me alone. I am nothing to you. I was and never will be something to you. SO call off their hounds.
I tire of all the pleas they have. I see the fake. I see their lingering hopes. I tire of watching this drama of yours.
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