I search for the rain
I look for the rain now. I search for the droplets to wash away my tears. I seek that bit of sunshine that plays inside of the clouds. I look for the hope that still sings inside my heart. I search for it today. I cling to it today.
I listen to the heavy heart inside of me. I hear the rapid beats against my lungs. I reason myself into a slower pace. I look for the peace. Searching for what is real. I know I have something inside of me that soars. Sings so loud as the night is pulling the day to close.
I understand all that has drowned me. Yet I know I let go of my life jacket. Thinking I would be safe with you. I learned the biggest lesson.
Still I search for the good in you. As much as I am spitting water, coughing and grasping for air I still look for the good inside of you. All I see is fear, sorrow and despair. Then I have great sympathy for you, everyone else involved.
No no not for me. I knew my part. I remember what I did. How I helped.
Today I am that flower who lost all but one petal. Had played that he loves me, he loves me not game. Until I came to my last petal. Halting the broken parts of me. Declaring that it really isn't necessary to know where I was loved or not. It matters only how I survive from this point on out.
As much of me that sees only the darkness now, I am able to see the light so brilliant too. The joy inside the death of who I was. I played along. I skipped and joined. I know that. I don't blame you for all that went down. Yet I know I was only the smallest part in what is going on.
My only hope now is to keep looking for the rain. Keep searching for the droplets. Keep holding onto the positive parts. Yeah still I hurt but I know what it is like to walk on coals, step on broken glass and to be stung by hundreds of bees. I survived. I have that courage.
I still will have moments where I just hate you with a deep dark passion. Yet then the truth is you don't need me to feel that for you, you already are feeling that for yourself. Is there no way to find you again?
I cannot sit and wonder about that anymore. I just have to finish cleansing myself of things you gave me. I have to rid myself of gifts even from friendships. Lost in a green or blue recycled bin. Maybe you search one day and find. Feel cut.
It will be a good start for you. As for me it is a good ending. Because my beginning starts soon. My hopes of further education and love. Something I have to rebuild inside of me, before I can be helpful of others.
So I seek the glimpse of sunlight inside the clouds. What is your hope?
Don't ask for selfish things. Don't even pray for yourself. Listen to the rain when it falls. Listen how it hits the windows, the leaves and fills the air with thunder. Just engross yourself in it. See how refreshing it is to my petals, to my spirit.
I will soar in the wind. My last petal may fall but I still have a growing bud on the side. I will rise in the sunlight once more. I will reach for every droplet of the rain. I will shine. I just hope it helps you to see how important I was.
Yet it doesn't really matter. It won't by then. Because I will be singing my heart and swaying with the whispers of Jehovah inside me.
I listen to the heavy heart inside of me. I hear the rapid beats against my lungs. I reason myself into a slower pace. I look for the peace. Searching for what is real. I know I have something inside of me that soars. Sings so loud as the night is pulling the day to close.
I understand all that has drowned me. Yet I know I let go of my life jacket. Thinking I would be safe with you. I learned the biggest lesson.
Still I search for the good in you. As much as I am spitting water, coughing and grasping for air I still look for the good inside of you. All I see is fear, sorrow and despair. Then I have great sympathy for you, everyone else involved.
No no not for me. I knew my part. I remember what I did. How I helped.
Today I am that flower who lost all but one petal. Had played that he loves me, he loves me not game. Until I came to my last petal. Halting the broken parts of me. Declaring that it really isn't necessary to know where I was loved or not. It matters only how I survive from this point on out.
As much of me that sees only the darkness now, I am able to see the light so brilliant too. The joy inside the death of who I was. I played along. I skipped and joined. I know that. I don't blame you for all that went down. Yet I know I was only the smallest part in what is going on.
My only hope now is to keep looking for the rain. Keep searching for the droplets. Keep holding onto the positive parts. Yeah still I hurt but I know what it is like to walk on coals, step on broken glass and to be stung by hundreds of bees. I survived. I have that courage.
I still will have moments where I just hate you with a deep dark passion. Yet then the truth is you don't need me to feel that for you, you already are feeling that for yourself. Is there no way to find you again?
I cannot sit and wonder about that anymore. I just have to finish cleansing myself of things you gave me. I have to rid myself of gifts even from friendships. Lost in a green or blue recycled bin. Maybe you search one day and find. Feel cut.
It will be a good start for you. As for me it is a good ending. Because my beginning starts soon. My hopes of further education and love. Something I have to rebuild inside of me, before I can be helpful of others.
So I seek the glimpse of sunlight inside the clouds. What is your hope?
Don't ask for selfish things. Don't even pray for yourself. Listen to the rain when it falls. Listen how it hits the windows, the leaves and fills the air with thunder. Just engross yourself in it. See how refreshing it is to my petals, to my spirit.
I will soar in the wind. My last petal may fall but I still have a growing bud on the side. I will rise in the sunlight once more. I will reach for every droplet of the rain. I will shine. I just hope it helps you to see how important I was.
Yet it doesn't really matter. It won't by then. Because I will be singing my heart and swaying with the whispers of Jehovah inside me.
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