I hold onto hope
Now seated at my window, looking out at the day. Watching the leaves sway in the wind, through slivers of plastic. I sigh because the waiting game has now begun.
Seating myself at my desk. I prepare for the next few hours of personal study and meditation. Plus drinking my soothing chai tea. Just listening to the many prayers that are falling from my mind.
I hold onto hope. Reaching for my bible I look up so many scriptures pertaining to the situations I am going through. Never did I want to do that before and yet I can't see why I withheld myself from the research. I love to do research and find answers or go further and travel through the findings.
I have always done that in areas I enjoy. I don't know why I stopped this year. I don't blame anyone but myself because I know somewhere I was falling. I couldn't get up any more and I didn't want to either.
This saddens me. I had to hit the ground head first, stubborn and prideful. Yet what has it taught me, about myself? Much. I have learned that I have very little trust of people and I usually want to go my own direction. Plus I learned that I don't want too many people close to me anymore. I don't even really talk to many.
Not in the sense of isolation just in that hopes that I don't hurt or get hurt. I need to work on me. Jehovah knows that. I just hope I learn to maintain myself and continue to grow where I need to improve. Listen to the lessons given in life.
So many things I need to do. Yet are they really necessary? I won't know until tomorrow. Yet I am not sure what the night will bring. All I can do is pray, hope and pray some more.
So here is to my lessons in life, I hope they are eventful and enduring. Hmm. I sigh once more when I have realized that the day still has many hours left to go. Splendid, indeed.
Seating myself at my desk. I prepare for the next few hours of personal study and meditation. Plus drinking my soothing chai tea. Just listening to the many prayers that are falling from my mind.
I hold onto hope. Reaching for my bible I look up so many scriptures pertaining to the situations I am going through. Never did I want to do that before and yet I can't see why I withheld myself from the research. I love to do research and find answers or go further and travel through the findings.
I have always done that in areas I enjoy. I don't know why I stopped this year. I don't blame anyone but myself because I know somewhere I was falling. I couldn't get up any more and I didn't want to either.
This saddens me. I had to hit the ground head first, stubborn and prideful. Yet what has it taught me, about myself? Much. I have learned that I have very little trust of people and I usually want to go my own direction. Plus I learned that I don't want too many people close to me anymore. I don't even really talk to many.
Not in the sense of isolation just in that hopes that I don't hurt or get hurt. I need to work on me. Jehovah knows that. I just hope I learn to maintain myself and continue to grow where I need to improve. Listen to the lessons given in life.
So many things I need to do. Yet are they really necessary? I won't know until tomorrow. Yet I am not sure what the night will bring. All I can do is pray, hope and pray some more.
So here is to my lessons in life, I hope they are eventful and enduring. Hmm. I sigh once more when I have realized that the day still has many hours left to go. Splendid, indeed.
Comments
Post a Comment