Morning breath, so lovingly
Watching the morning rise is so refreshing after watching the videos on JW broadcasting. The small things you notice about yourself just don't seem so important compared to all that is going on with brothers and sisters worldwide.
Yet somehow without learning you can become self absorbed. So odd how we can do that so quickly. Especially when you wallow all over the things that happened to you. Letting them all get to you. Sinking deep inside of you. Making you choose to separate yourself.
Interesting how I let myself sink. Not too much wallow but a lot of whining. Like I said last night, it was the start of my new life no matter what. Already have made small changes. So many tiny steps that cannot be seen by humans but Jehovah notices.
Still much more to come. To find myself once more in Jehovah's organization. Things have to change. By all means inside I have to be like Romans 8:38, 39 say "convinced". To be real, I must see that. Right now I can say I am so far from that belief. Its more like mediocre in thought.
Yes that is how far I have gone. So every day from now on it is my travels back to Jehovah. To me, whatever happens and discipline I receive I know Jehovah loved me so much that he saw what I needed. I have to be happy that I got this.
And I will be. I know what I did, so willingly and repeatedly. And I am going to find myself and my relationship with Jehovah will be stronger than before. I have to remain in that state of mind. No matter how many times I want to just give in because I know I will have those moments or weeks. Yet I have to open my eyes wider.
I am just a small part of a grand picture. Yet if Jehovah searched for me as I did him once, he will find me again just as I will find Jehovah. Yes I understand that it will take time but I am ready.
Whatever the results are I have already started my steps back to Jehovah. Seeing he is the only one I can lean on. I have to realize that he is the only one that can be my best friend. For I see my situation as the great tribulation. If it is worse than this, then I hope Jehovah will help me then, just as he is now.
So lovingly.
Yet somehow without learning you can become self absorbed. So odd how we can do that so quickly. Especially when you wallow all over the things that happened to you. Letting them all get to you. Sinking deep inside of you. Making you choose to separate yourself.
Interesting how I let myself sink. Not too much wallow but a lot of whining. Like I said last night, it was the start of my new life no matter what. Already have made small changes. So many tiny steps that cannot be seen by humans but Jehovah notices.
Still much more to come. To find myself once more in Jehovah's organization. Things have to change. By all means inside I have to be like Romans 8:38, 39 say "convinced". To be real, I must see that. Right now I can say I am so far from that belief. Its more like mediocre in thought.
Yes that is how far I have gone. So every day from now on it is my travels back to Jehovah. To me, whatever happens and discipline I receive I know Jehovah loved me so much that he saw what I needed. I have to be happy that I got this.
And I will be. I know what I did, so willingly and repeatedly. And I am going to find myself and my relationship with Jehovah will be stronger than before. I have to remain in that state of mind. No matter how many times I want to just give in because I know I will have those moments or weeks. Yet I have to open my eyes wider.
I am just a small part of a grand picture. Yet if Jehovah searched for me as I did him once, he will find me again just as I will find Jehovah. Yes I understand that it will take time but I am ready.
Whatever the results are I have already started my steps back to Jehovah. Seeing he is the only one I can lean on. I have to realize that he is the only one that can be my best friend. For I see my situation as the great tribulation. If it is worse than this, then I hope Jehovah will help me then, just as he is now.
So lovingly.
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