I am grateful but I am disappointed too

I just got in and I am ready to watch a movie. I think Monsoon Wedding seems appropriate to my mood. So much of it make sense to me. All of me.

First the need of cleansing the workload off. Inviting myself to chill before the night dies down. Still so wound up from work that it will take hours to clear the mind of the day.

I had a good day despite a few near misses in front of people. A few good helpings of laughter and hugs. I really needed that today. It made me feel accomplished in a way. Still knowing I was needed by someone.

Truly disappointed in a way today. I didn't get to finish my research on nervousness and anxiety. Yet I did get to write to two people on the list for our brothers and sisters in Russia. I can only hope one kind, stressed word reaches those who persecute. Just to help is good.

Another way to look outside the box of the day. Forgetting about the degrading thoughts I had of myself and others. It was not a kind word inside my head. It was all heated dislike. So wrong of me to even think of them. Yet I did. I cannot take it back either. I just have to deal with that my mind thought them. Though I am grateful I never said them. No one to hinder for my thoughts. Just me. And Jehovah.

That is not good but it is better than stumbling someone.

So here I am getting ready for the stream of warm love. The need to just cry a little bit. Not really sad just disappointed in myself and I need to talk but no words seem to escape my lips. So pardon my moment of silence. I need to reflect for a few minutes.

Hopefully the next poem is more encouraging for all that read it.