Lost. Thrown
Hardest part was giving up on you. Letting go of that last shred of who you were once. The key and chewie remain on the ground. The photo given as a baptism gift lifted from the morning view and the few bits of flowers and metal rings I have remaining sit on a blue container.
Lost.
Yet it was rewarding. I even gave the handcuff key that reminded me of my survival from the tyrant father. Since you reminded me so much of him, I dropped him with the key. I left all of you outside to decay in the warm air.
I hope that you understand I can't go forward without letting go of all the crap I have from you. The tedious lies I clung as to be real. I don't know what is real. And parts of me doesn't care anymore. I was not a person you enjoyed in your life.
Lost.
I hope you search for those things. I hope you look for what is gone. I can't ever understand your mindset but I know mine.
I continue to build up resistance because even though I meant nothing to you, you are something to me. The work I had.
Yet it matters not now. Go look but don't wonder about me. Don't even bother to care. Because when you do start to care, you will see how much it hurts. Yet I still don't think you are capable of caring, loving. Not even yourself.
Lost.
All parts of me are seated in front of a window. Tears streaming down. Kind of aching as I inhale but now I know where I stand. Where I WON'T be. That is goodness for sure.
Now to clean up the tears. Hold my head into the lowering sun. Enjoy the cool breeze that is circulating. Feeling of love that engulfs me here.
Lost.
Yet it was rewarding. I even gave the handcuff key that reminded me of my survival from the tyrant father. Since you reminded me so much of him, I dropped him with the key. I left all of you outside to decay in the warm air.
I hope that you understand I can't go forward without letting go of all the crap I have from you. The tedious lies I clung as to be real. I don't know what is real. And parts of me doesn't care anymore. I was not a person you enjoyed in your life.
Lost.
I hope you search for those things. I hope you look for what is gone. I can't ever understand your mindset but I know mine.
I continue to build up resistance because even though I meant nothing to you, you are something to me. The work I had.
Yet it matters not now. Go look but don't wonder about me. Don't even bother to care. Because when you do start to care, you will see how much it hurts. Yet I still don't think you are capable of caring, loving. Not even yourself.
Lost.
All parts of me are seated in front of a window. Tears streaming down. Kind of aching as I inhale but now I know where I stand. Where I WON'T be. That is goodness for sure.
Now to clean up the tears. Hold my head into the lowering sun. Enjoy the cool breeze that is circulating. Feeling of love that engulfs me here.
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