Speaking of volumes
So today was supposed to be my good day. All the way down to the curls I had in my hair. Grateful that the curl stayed. It was good. I have to maintain that sight. Even though still rattled in nerves. I can't even imagine recalling the joy I saw in your eyes.
I just have to keep my head up. I am grateful that someone showed me what the Regional convention is going to be over.. don't give up. Truly this convention is FOR ME. Because I don't know how many times I have almost just let go.
Never wanting to recall the hardships I had to face. But the reality is that they are constant tests. They are there to make me stronger. To be able to build me so when I do get hit with them again I can overcome faster. Doesn't mean that the hurt is any less just means that I am capable of enduring better than the last time.
Truly each time I endure through these horrible experiences I recall just how much I soared afterwards. Yet did you even bother to take notice? Oh yes. On the account of the jewelry. Probably only moment you noticed I persevered through a hardship.
Interestingly enough I have gone through deeper stuff than you would like to know. I don't tell you everything. For that would be letting you get closer than you need to be. You can't be there like you were before. You have too much entertainment on your plate.
I don't bother with telling you much about my day because for one thing it isn't part of civilities and you didn't ask the right question. I usually just tell you part of the problem or part of the joy. I strive to only give you parts because once I tell you everything, it makes me wonder, will I be tossed.
So I am apprehensive in giving you all of me anymore. It just doesn't seem right when I don't even get half of you. So I just let it flow.
No point in dwelling on the fact I will never be the same me before things happened but I rather like that some parts of me are forgotten. Just would like all disasters or distasteful moments to be gone too. Yet I have to recall them so I can remember I am capable of overcoming, enduring and learning from the experience.
Granted it doesn't mean I have to constantly rehash it. Which I don't. I just tire when it gets thrown in my face, repeatedly. So pardon the rant. Don't be concerned about the "hello" safe to say hi thing. If you knew me like you say you do, you would never have to guess.
Sad to learn that in a way, too.
Eventually the day washes away and the night engulfs me. I pray for the silence in my mind. The reels to flip close and the tears to dry up. For I tire of trying to explain just how ticked off I am and how emotional it is making me.
Such small words and yet speak volumes for those who actually know me.
I just have to keep my head up. I am grateful that someone showed me what the Regional convention is going to be over.. don't give up. Truly this convention is FOR ME. Because I don't know how many times I have almost just let go.
Never wanting to recall the hardships I had to face. But the reality is that they are constant tests. They are there to make me stronger. To be able to build me so when I do get hit with them again I can overcome faster. Doesn't mean that the hurt is any less just means that I am capable of enduring better than the last time.
Truly each time I endure through these horrible experiences I recall just how much I soared afterwards. Yet did you even bother to take notice? Oh yes. On the account of the jewelry. Probably only moment you noticed I persevered through a hardship.
Interestingly enough I have gone through deeper stuff than you would like to know. I don't tell you everything. For that would be letting you get closer than you need to be. You can't be there like you were before. You have too much entertainment on your plate.
I don't bother with telling you much about my day because for one thing it isn't part of civilities and you didn't ask the right question. I usually just tell you part of the problem or part of the joy. I strive to only give you parts because once I tell you everything, it makes me wonder, will I be tossed.
So I am apprehensive in giving you all of me anymore. It just doesn't seem right when I don't even get half of you. So I just let it flow.
No point in dwelling on the fact I will never be the same me before things happened but I rather like that some parts of me are forgotten. Just would like all disasters or distasteful moments to be gone too. Yet I have to recall them so I can remember I am capable of overcoming, enduring and learning from the experience.
Granted it doesn't mean I have to constantly rehash it. Which I don't. I just tire when it gets thrown in my face, repeatedly. So pardon the rant. Don't be concerned about the "hello" safe to say hi thing. If you knew me like you say you do, you would never have to guess.
Sad to learn that in a way, too.
Eventually the day washes away and the night engulfs me. I pray for the silence in my mind. The reels to flip close and the tears to dry up. For I tire of trying to explain just how ticked off I am and how emotional it is making me.
Such small words and yet speak volumes for those who actually know me.
Comments
Post a Comment