One more week
Here I sit in my car not in disbelief but in release. It is good to know that my truth is out. More next week. It's good to feel the sighs and tears inside finally have their voices.
It is so good to explain. To make all the chatter and wonder in my head cease. It's good not to question if I am a stalker or crazy anymore.
Never to hear those nasty hateful words. It's good to finally feel that no matter the outcome I will be capable of moving forward.
I knew that my case had to be judged. I understood my place and what I had done. Where it may take me. I understood that even in the worst outcome I still will learn. I still will be loved.
Surprisingly that is all I ever wanted. Sounds so corny. Yet it is the truth. I am worth at least that acknowledgment.
All on one of the worst days of my life I still find hope.
An Uncle who gave joy is now passed and I WANT to be there when they do a resurrection instead of a memorial. I want to teach him the grandness of Jehovah.
Maybe to you that seems insignificant but it doesn't to me. You never really noticed. I recognize that now.
I am sorry you couldn't see. I have pity for you in all things.
Sincerely I hope you grow to be a good person without all these flaws. I hope to see you one day, waiting in the grass with a good pomegranate in your hand.
Perhaps I am selfish. Yet I want that for you. No longer will you have to wish parts of yourself dead. You could breathe, love and share your joy and happiness.
Until then I have to recognize my own issues at hand. I gave back all my privileges today. Resting on what the decision is next week I will be able to learn how to form my life from there on.
I have to remain peaceful. In the end was anything horrid. Only the coming backs.
Now good bye is easier than ever. I understand I could have said it on day one
And I didn't. Sorry.
It is so good to explain. To make all the chatter and wonder in my head cease. It's good not to question if I am a stalker or crazy anymore.
Never to hear those nasty hateful words. It's good to finally feel that no matter the outcome I will be capable of moving forward.
I knew that my case had to be judged. I understood my place and what I had done. Where it may take me. I understood that even in the worst outcome I still will learn. I still will be loved.
Surprisingly that is all I ever wanted. Sounds so corny. Yet it is the truth. I am worth at least that acknowledgment.
All on one of the worst days of my life I still find hope.
An Uncle who gave joy is now passed and I WANT to be there when they do a resurrection instead of a memorial. I want to teach him the grandness of Jehovah.
Maybe to you that seems insignificant but it doesn't to me. You never really noticed. I recognize that now.
I am sorry you couldn't see. I have pity for you in all things.
Sincerely I hope you grow to be a good person without all these flaws. I hope to see you one day, waiting in the grass with a good pomegranate in your hand.
Perhaps I am selfish. Yet I want that for you. No longer will you have to wish parts of yourself dead. You could breathe, love and share your joy and happiness.
Until then I have to recognize my own issues at hand. I gave back all my privileges today. Resting on what the decision is next week I will be able to learn how to form my life from there on.
I have to remain peaceful. In the end was anything horrid. Only the coming backs.
Now good bye is easier than ever. I understand I could have said it on day one
And I didn't. Sorry.
Comments
Post a Comment