My words in silence

I sit here in a room full of works but only silence finds me. The chills of the day have rolled upon me.

I sit staring out the window as I recall why I missed some so much and yet others I dare not ever want to remember.

So quietly the room is. Only noise is my heartbeat and heavy breathing. The typical response of reading my words people jump to conclusions.

To be expected of course. Because I have to say them out loud so the chatter doesn't rattle forever in my head.

And yet am I surprised by anything anymore. No not really. Even the quick changes and disregard of how fast I went from friend to stranger.

So sure I was going to get to remain a tethered line but now I see I was sadly mistaken. I notice all the changes and once again I am talking to myself.

Typical. Then the rattle of name calling begins with a new set of ears. I only hope their hearts are more solid than mine. I pray that those next get to trample where they want. Then discard.

Yet do I really want that, no. I don't even wish that on my worst enemy. Though foe or friend I still love, I still care and I weigh heavily the hope I still cling to for everyone.

Yes some may be surprised that even in my worst anger I cannot harm any more than I have.

So now I have to just hope that whatever my words are from here on out are encouraging.  For those who actually understand me, I hope they don't misinterpret.

I have to talk to clear my head. Either that or it weighs on my heart. I cannot let it sit there and eat at me anymore. I cannot remain angry, sad nor disrespecting. I have to let it out.

So if you are disturbed by my words I can't tell you what to do. Label me, if you like. Crazy. Insane. Normal. Whatever.

I will always be writing so my words don't settle inside of me, causing me to choke and die.

So whatever. This is me now.