Loud sneezes and Echoes
I was mad that I to come in. I was demanded that life is worth living even if it is difficult to just inhale. I do dislike being told that I am worth it after all that is here. I don't think I am worth it. I'd rather just be left outside like an old wet dog. Shivering until I fade.
It is quite comforting to know I can become blue. Icy blue and not feel anything. Now it is going to take a long time to get the chill out of my system. I may have harmed myself but I still see that every second I was alone in the dark, I felt free.
I might have been fading or even dying but I tell you it was freedom. It was the flight of the light in the distance. Truly a remarkable experience. Carried away even momentarily.
Yet I was dragged inside. I went kicking and screaming. I did not want to continue. Yet I had to listen. I am clearly not in my right thinking. Surely some care, that I remain here, just a while longer.
Yet I don't. I'd rather slink back under the rock I was hiding under. Though it still doesn't matter. I just have to breathe. Holding onto the prayers that push back at me. The words that scream commands at me. I have to listen. Yet I am STUBBORN. I don't heed the nudging.
I just try to fall back into my sleepy despair content that I will just roll with things. Not really caring what happens now. Nor do I even notice if there are changes. No person is going to talk to me. Nor do I really care. I have just gone away. Permanently.
Lost. Yearning but laughing because I have been such an idiot. Nothing matters anymore. I cared so hard. I loved with all parts. And still here I am lost.
That must be the best part about living. Losing and getting lost.
Perhaps that is where we all find ourselves. Perhaps that is where we all, one day say okay. But what is that okay stand for?
So cold. Chilled to the bone. Don't even notice I am now so purple. Not even hinting I should get warmed up. I don't deserve that. I just lay down and cease my breath. It would help so many, today and tomorrow. It would find appreciation in things I tried to do right.
Yet. Still am I really helping anyone? DID I help anyone? No.
Proof before me now. Empty sky. And loud sneezes. Echoes. That is all I am now.
Echoes.
It is quite comforting to know I can become blue. Icy blue and not feel anything. Now it is going to take a long time to get the chill out of my system. I may have harmed myself but I still see that every second I was alone in the dark, I felt free.
I might have been fading or even dying but I tell you it was freedom. It was the flight of the light in the distance. Truly a remarkable experience. Carried away even momentarily.
Yet I was dragged inside. I went kicking and screaming. I did not want to continue. Yet I had to listen. I am clearly not in my right thinking. Surely some care, that I remain here, just a while longer.
Yet I don't. I'd rather slink back under the rock I was hiding under. Though it still doesn't matter. I just have to breathe. Holding onto the prayers that push back at me. The words that scream commands at me. I have to listen. Yet I am STUBBORN. I don't heed the nudging.
I just try to fall back into my sleepy despair content that I will just roll with things. Not really caring what happens now. Nor do I even notice if there are changes. No person is going to talk to me. Nor do I really care. I have just gone away. Permanently.
Lost. Yearning but laughing because I have been such an idiot. Nothing matters anymore. I cared so hard. I loved with all parts. And still here I am lost.
That must be the best part about living. Losing and getting lost.
Perhaps that is where we all find ourselves. Perhaps that is where we all, one day say okay. But what is that okay stand for?
So cold. Chilled to the bone. Don't even notice I am now so purple. Not even hinting I should get warmed up. I don't deserve that. I just lay down and cease my breath. It would help so many, today and tomorrow. It would find appreciation in things I tried to do right.
Yet. Still am I really helping anyone? DID I help anyone? No.
Proof before me now. Empty sky. And loud sneezes. Echoes. That is all I am now.
Echoes.
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