I was all that was asked of me, today.
I don't give up. Frankly to say I could have several times. I may cry and be red but I continue even when I want so badly to leave the present things. Just disappear. Yet what does that help?
Today I expected too much. I was hoping to be able to make my comment and continue to do so without hesitation. Not experience queasiness and jolted nerves. Yet I did. I nearly threw up when I came into the hall. Learning to stand with those who can make sure I don't fall was key.
Had I let go and come undone people would ask. Would want to know why I was crying or upset. Yet I couldn't bear knowing that people would search. For it was the time to look at the confidence I had in Jehovah.
The good thing was that this was the point of our lesson today. Seek, trust and have confidence in Jehovah. Whereas had I let the nerves rattle me, persuading me to run away what endurance did I show? What trust did I make?
I am here in the darkness praying as I am writing because my tears and my emotions cannot be expressed vocally. Sure I am silly and overrated on many things but would you have even once looked to see if I was okay? No. Not your place.
Only jokes. Funny that none were encouraging. Just disappointing. Typical.
All I can do is just go change my meeting clothes to lounge and pray that I will be okay. I just wasn't ready yet. I am still healing in so many ways. Yet it was the right time to see if I could be loving, considerate and respectful. For that I was. I hope I made my Father proud.
I don't care what you think of me. I really don't but I have to remain quiet on so many other forums and subjects that this is where I am most me. Unleashed and carefree. But careful too.
I am allowed to say that I endured my test. I had the strength to be loving, caring and respectful. As Jehovah asked me to. Too bad no one really noticed but Jehovah.
Today I expected too much. I was hoping to be able to make my comment and continue to do so without hesitation. Not experience queasiness and jolted nerves. Yet I did. I nearly threw up when I came into the hall. Learning to stand with those who can make sure I don't fall was key.
Had I let go and come undone people would ask. Would want to know why I was crying or upset. Yet I couldn't bear knowing that people would search. For it was the time to look at the confidence I had in Jehovah.
The good thing was that this was the point of our lesson today. Seek, trust and have confidence in Jehovah. Whereas had I let the nerves rattle me, persuading me to run away what endurance did I show? What trust did I make?
I am here in the darkness praying as I am writing because my tears and my emotions cannot be expressed vocally. Sure I am silly and overrated on many things but would you have even once looked to see if I was okay? No. Not your place.
Only jokes. Funny that none were encouraging. Just disappointing. Typical.
All I can do is just go change my meeting clothes to lounge and pray that I will be okay. I just wasn't ready yet. I am still healing in so many ways. Yet it was the right time to see if I could be loving, considerate and respectful. For that I was. I hope I made my Father proud.
I don't care what you think of me. I really don't but I have to remain quiet on so many other forums and subjects that this is where I am most me. Unleashed and carefree. But careful too.
I am allowed to say that I endured my test. I had the strength to be loving, caring and respectful. As Jehovah asked me to. Too bad no one really noticed but Jehovah.
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