I stood the rain just to feel

I sat in the rain today. In hopes to feel something,  anything. And yet I couldn't.

And still I cried mixing the cold rain with my tears in hopes they would mean something deep inside of me.

I can't expect anyone to understand. I can't ask.

All I expect now is to just be.

Soaked to the bone, but no shivers. I have become my father. Twists and turns.

I have made no decisions but to speak up. Talk to those I needed to and pray. Yet are my words heard?

I will never know but I have to deal with that. That is my life now.

Not tired. Not down
 Just empty and numb.

But I expected that. I understood my place.