How I have to look at moments
Kind of numb from listening to silence.
Pushing myself forward and placing feet and soul in the line of a cold bullets. The means to snap out of low moments. The pulling of skin to stand peaked is the necessary punishment for me. Just a way to slap myself in the face. To just get on with the day.
How do you pull yourself out of low moments? When after meditating and praying? How?
I don't take medication for the fact that I have such a severe reaction to it. Probably a very good thing. I would make my grandfather proud to not shove down a dozen pills. A being a good girl by taking in my vitamins. Ha. I can see his laughter rolling across the wind.
Pure joy seeing his face. Then trickling down to the teachings he brought to my sister and me. Truly a good man in those moments. Quiet on all other accounts. Didn't say much but when he did, you best be listening. I am kind of like him in that fact.
A big shove over, some would call me. Yet sometimes to fight wars you have to be intelligent enough to remain quiet and take the assault because something bigger is at play. That is the eerie thing about learning the bible. Sometimes to step away from the attack and let Jehovah take over.
Your prayers are heard. Still remaining silent for the attack is still here. I am just having a hard time maintaining my patience and strength. Just the motivation to keep still when the negativity is slicing me in pieces. How does one maintain any senses when this is upon them?
Such one tends to cry or get angry. In me I am a bit ashamed of the tears I shed, just the fact that I am now raw and vulnerable. It is a bit intimidating. Yet here I am. Struggling at great times and so near slipping out in the weakened times. And then I am slammed back into the reality of things, Jehovah says stay. How do you argue with someone that powerful?
You don't. You listen.
So everyday is my struggle. The heaviness and the hard punches in my life are just that. I learn to stand tall with Jehovah. So hard it is standing there, the only one in my family. Believe me when I say sometimes running back to the world now is an easy thing. Yet is it the best, no. I knew when I came into knowing the bible and Jehovah, God I would not be able to go back.
All the parts of me that was then, lost. Yet there are so many pieces of me that are stumbling, fumbling and falling. Yet I know that I am still here, seated at Jehovah banquet table, awaiting the best food. Still I do have those moments inside of me that wants the worldly things. To gain what I had before, to be greedy over money and to branch out on my own. Be independent. To be capable of doing whatever the world accepted was okay. I then stop. Looking to the point of why I am tied to the table.
All that because Jehovah found me. He repeatedly put someone in my line to help me. Imagine if I had taken the bait, listening to the words. Yet I wasn't ready. Then he places the oddest of ones in my path. I learned much and still we are siblings. What a strong bond Jehovah formed for me.
Telling me of the fact I am not alone. I have many friends, family and loved elders. Those who are my family now. Sure we have differences and some family members lose their meaning and contacts but we are all still family.
Truly how I move every day. This is the hardest struggle for me. That even though I am alone in my search for Jehovah within my family I am greeted by millions of brothers and sisters. I am not standing by myself. Jehovah is caring for me. Giving me these wonderful people to build, grow and encourage.
So yeah I am numb right now. I don't feel alone. I just feel lonely. Solo. Probably a good thing.
No need to rely on any person. I learned that isn't for me to do. Just be thankful I have real friends. And if they continue to find ways to uplift then be grateful they took time out their lives to include me, even for a moment.
Yes that is how I have to see these moments.
Pushing myself forward and placing feet and soul in the line of a cold bullets. The means to snap out of low moments. The pulling of skin to stand peaked is the necessary punishment for me. Just a way to slap myself in the face. To just get on with the day.
How do you pull yourself out of low moments? When after meditating and praying? How?
I don't take medication for the fact that I have such a severe reaction to it. Probably a very good thing. I would make my grandfather proud to not shove down a dozen pills. A being a good girl by taking in my vitamins. Ha. I can see his laughter rolling across the wind.
Pure joy seeing his face. Then trickling down to the teachings he brought to my sister and me. Truly a good man in those moments. Quiet on all other accounts. Didn't say much but when he did, you best be listening. I am kind of like him in that fact.
A big shove over, some would call me. Yet sometimes to fight wars you have to be intelligent enough to remain quiet and take the assault because something bigger is at play. That is the eerie thing about learning the bible. Sometimes to step away from the attack and let Jehovah take over.
Your prayers are heard. Still remaining silent for the attack is still here. I am just having a hard time maintaining my patience and strength. Just the motivation to keep still when the negativity is slicing me in pieces. How does one maintain any senses when this is upon them?
Such one tends to cry or get angry. In me I am a bit ashamed of the tears I shed, just the fact that I am now raw and vulnerable. It is a bit intimidating. Yet here I am. Struggling at great times and so near slipping out in the weakened times. And then I am slammed back into the reality of things, Jehovah says stay. How do you argue with someone that powerful?
You don't. You listen.
So everyday is my struggle. The heaviness and the hard punches in my life are just that. I learn to stand tall with Jehovah. So hard it is standing there, the only one in my family. Believe me when I say sometimes running back to the world now is an easy thing. Yet is it the best, no. I knew when I came into knowing the bible and Jehovah, God I would not be able to go back.
All the parts of me that was then, lost. Yet there are so many pieces of me that are stumbling, fumbling and falling. Yet I know that I am still here, seated at Jehovah banquet table, awaiting the best food. Still I do have those moments inside of me that wants the worldly things. To gain what I had before, to be greedy over money and to branch out on my own. Be independent. To be capable of doing whatever the world accepted was okay. I then stop. Looking to the point of why I am tied to the table.
All that because Jehovah found me. He repeatedly put someone in my line to help me. Imagine if I had taken the bait, listening to the words. Yet I wasn't ready. Then he places the oddest of ones in my path. I learned much and still we are siblings. What a strong bond Jehovah formed for me.
Telling me of the fact I am not alone. I have many friends, family and loved elders. Those who are my family now. Sure we have differences and some family members lose their meaning and contacts but we are all still family.
Truly how I move every day. This is the hardest struggle for me. That even though I am alone in my search for Jehovah within my family I am greeted by millions of brothers and sisters. I am not standing by myself. Jehovah is caring for me. Giving me these wonderful people to build, grow and encourage.
So yeah I am numb right now. I don't feel alone. I just feel lonely. Solo. Probably a good thing.
No need to rely on any person. I learned that isn't for me to do. Just be thankful I have real friends. And if they continue to find ways to uplift then be grateful they took time out their lives to include me, even for a moment.
Yes that is how I have to see these moments.
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