Current mode
I watched the day open up. Seated out on my balcony. Drinking coffee. Allowing the sting of the morning air find its home across pale skin. I allowed the cold to sink in. To just absorb all to my core.
Still not feeling anything. Just that of the wind and the light coming out. It is okay. I will just go inside and linger in my room. Talking to myself as I always do. Then cry myself to sleep. I do that best. Shh don't tell anyone that.
I just don't see it. The millions of positive ways life can go today. I mean even in my worst moments at work, last night I was capable of finding cash sitting on the ground. Wet but worth it. Just as an agreed price.
I guess that was my tip saying job well done, forever. Seemed fitting too. Quite funny in a way. Down to the exact penny.
Then just allowing my mind to roll over the words yesterday. I think it is safe to crawl back into bed. Sleep until the dusk comes, or close to it. Only to hope that I am strong enough to take whatever is leashed.
Pulling on the big girl panties. Not really thinking too much of what could be but what must be. Even still those thoughts are halted by the need to finish, resolve all things current. Yet I don't dwell on them.
All I can say is that I am grateful to learn. To help free those of me. It was necessary because I killed everyone. Everything. Down to a fine detail on the head of a pin.
Truly I am ready. Scared. But ready.
Roll on into the day. Many more poems to come. Here or in a notebook.
Current mode dissatisfaction with myself.
Still not feeling anything. Just that of the wind and the light coming out. It is okay. I will just go inside and linger in my room. Talking to myself as I always do. Then cry myself to sleep. I do that best. Shh don't tell anyone that.
I just don't see it. The millions of positive ways life can go today. I mean even in my worst moments at work, last night I was capable of finding cash sitting on the ground. Wet but worth it. Just as an agreed price.
I guess that was my tip saying job well done, forever. Seemed fitting too. Quite funny in a way. Down to the exact penny.
Then just allowing my mind to roll over the words yesterday. I think it is safe to crawl back into bed. Sleep until the dusk comes, or close to it. Only to hope that I am strong enough to take whatever is leashed.
Pulling on the big girl panties. Not really thinking too much of what could be but what must be. Even still those thoughts are halted by the need to finish, resolve all things current. Yet I don't dwell on them.
All I can say is that I am grateful to learn. To help free those of me. It was necessary because I killed everyone. Everything. Down to a fine detail on the head of a pin.
Truly I am ready. Scared. But ready.
Roll on into the day. Many more poems to come. Here or in a notebook.
Current mode dissatisfaction with myself.
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