Am I just as evil as my twin, my father? Yes
I took a shower. Holding onto myself as the earth rattling sobs escaped me. I did all of this.
I looked at myself and saw a monster. I saw my father cackling back at me. Stating that I am just like him. I am only a female form. Sadly I veered so far away from him only to be exact to the tee. Scary how I thought his ways were wicked and cruel. And here I am the same.
All that striving to be different and still I came out the same kind of evil.
So many parts of me I wanted to stab. Erase. Fail to notice anymore. I strove to not flaunt myself and yet I still ended up being the same. I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree after all.
Then I thought of just how free and wild I have been. Yet I haven't really. I have been contained. In so many ways. Within the guidelines and yet so far from them.
Seems fitting that I dream of ice, fire and wildness. To let go of so much I have been holding. To finally find myself again and be truly who I should be. I am weak. I am lost. But I am free.
Perhaps that is the only thing I hoped for. And to be caught by significance. Ah what a joke. Still I dream.
Funny though that it wasn't for me to keep the dream. It was just me to watch it play over in my mind. It was all for me to roll my fingers upon it but never really touch it. Seems that happens a lot with me. I guess that is my state of life.
To watch but not ever touch. Looking inside but never invited to come in. I get that now. I can accept that is my roll in life. I can find me here.
Too bad I can't have everything I hoped for. And, yet what would that be. I won't tell. Jehovah knows.
I looked at myself and saw a monster. I saw my father cackling back at me. Stating that I am just like him. I am only a female form. Sadly I veered so far away from him only to be exact to the tee. Scary how I thought his ways were wicked and cruel. And here I am the same.
All that striving to be different and still I came out the same kind of evil.
So many parts of me I wanted to stab. Erase. Fail to notice anymore. I strove to not flaunt myself and yet I still ended up being the same. I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree after all.
Then I thought of just how free and wild I have been. Yet I haven't really. I have been contained. In so many ways. Within the guidelines and yet so far from them.
Seems fitting that I dream of ice, fire and wildness. To let go of so much I have been holding. To finally find myself again and be truly who I should be. I am weak. I am lost. But I am free.
Perhaps that is the only thing I hoped for. And to be caught by significance. Ah what a joke. Still I dream.
Funny though that it wasn't for me to keep the dream. It was just me to watch it play over in my mind. It was all for me to roll my fingers upon it but never really touch it. Seems that happens a lot with me. I guess that is my state of life.
To watch but not ever touch. Looking inside but never invited to come in. I get that now. I can accept that is my roll in life. I can find me here.
Too bad I can't have everything I hoped for. And, yet what would that be. I won't tell. Jehovah knows.
Comments
Post a Comment