Already these lists of changes
Already making changes. Lots of new pieces of me to look forward to. Just set a whole new set of lists. Goals, bucket hopes, visits, crazy n wild things to do and people I need to hold onto.
Yeah its a good start. The hope that I don't get suckered into anything else anymore. The clarity of forgetting and clearing out the mind and space of lost items. Obviously it is something that was long coming and I should have started a few years back.
I probably would have been more happy and finding me. It wouldn't have waited almost four years to start. I suppose late is better than never. So obvious of the pain I will experience but now I have a list of things I can do to extract that from within. A few remedies I have held back on but now there is no need to.
Parts of my past are part of me now. The recalling of childhood. The recalling of how I became so messed up. The remedies of how I can just release all that is just around the corner. I know that I don't need to rely on any person, any human now.
Gosh why did it take so long to just shake myself of that belief? Perhaps because I wanted to hope in people. I wanted to give the benefit of doubt. Yet I should not have relaxed my guard too much. Yes I learned. Yes I will have moments when even I doubt myself but I have made lists of how to escape such downtrodden emotions.
Grateful for reading the bible today. Holding in the slow meditation I needed. The hopes I won't be scared too much in the days to follow. I pray that I am strong enough to outlast everything I will gain from these groups. I hope that whatever comes that I can find my foundation in Jehovah. Since I am the only one in my family that has learned the truth, bits and pieces of the day will be completely exhausting. Yet I hold onto the belief that if I really lean upon Jehovah and keep pursuing what is needed I will be okay.
Yet I have high expectations of myself. I hope that I can down size them so I can see that I am a real, imperfect person with serious flaws. Major.
We will see. These lists and changes already into play. So I hold onto the resolution that I gain much from the council given. I hope for strengthening ways and encouraging scriptures to help me maintain the spiritual support I need.
I can only wait. I can only strive to be patient.
I can only hope that those of the past live quietly and learn as I do. Without occurrences reappearing.
I can pray for them deeply. Yet first I must include myself.
Yeah its a good start. The hope that I don't get suckered into anything else anymore. The clarity of forgetting and clearing out the mind and space of lost items. Obviously it is something that was long coming and I should have started a few years back.
I probably would have been more happy and finding me. It wouldn't have waited almost four years to start. I suppose late is better than never. So obvious of the pain I will experience but now I have a list of things I can do to extract that from within. A few remedies I have held back on but now there is no need to.
Parts of my past are part of me now. The recalling of childhood. The recalling of how I became so messed up. The remedies of how I can just release all that is just around the corner. I know that I don't need to rely on any person, any human now.
Gosh why did it take so long to just shake myself of that belief? Perhaps because I wanted to hope in people. I wanted to give the benefit of doubt. Yet I should not have relaxed my guard too much. Yes I learned. Yes I will have moments when even I doubt myself but I have made lists of how to escape such downtrodden emotions.
Grateful for reading the bible today. Holding in the slow meditation I needed. The hopes I won't be scared too much in the days to follow. I pray that I am strong enough to outlast everything I will gain from these groups. I hope that whatever comes that I can find my foundation in Jehovah. Since I am the only one in my family that has learned the truth, bits and pieces of the day will be completely exhausting. Yet I hold onto the belief that if I really lean upon Jehovah and keep pursuing what is needed I will be okay.
Yet I have high expectations of myself. I hope that I can down size them so I can see that I am a real, imperfect person with serious flaws. Major.
We will see. These lists and changes already into play. So I hold onto the resolution that I gain much from the council given. I hope for strengthening ways and encouraging scriptures to help me maintain the spiritual support I need.
I can only wait. I can only strive to be patient.
I can only hope that those of the past live quietly and learn as I do. Without occurrences reappearing.
I can pray for them deeply. Yet first I must include myself.
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