A kiss, meaning

What does a kiss mean to me?

Ah so many years the forehead kiss is the only true sincerity to me. The genuine love of friendships, siblings and true love. Alas I realize I am such a dreamer and romantic. In fact I cry horribly at a long awaited kiss scene in a movie. I am such a sap.

I have such dreams of a long awaited moment like those, a true kiss. Not rushed. Not enforced. Just simplicity. The slow meaning of what is felt.

So in my  life that is why I don't kiss anymore. (to join lips in respect, affection, love, passion, etc.:

They kissed passionately.) I just don't allow people to see that I really am a romantic. That I do dream of these wonderful moments. Its just a scary prospect to open yourself to people. The possibility of getting hurt repeatedly because you hope so high.

I truly shy away from such moments. The kiss I do so enjoy are the gentle ones on my face. The light kisses across my eyelids, the strong kisses that blend away the tears, those that powder my head as I am being hugged tightly. 

See I don't hate to kiss. I just don't want the hurt that follows. The genuine tug of emotions, of hope, of those beautiful dreams that may come. For I am truly a romantic dreamer. I just don't want the pain of knowing it is all a joke. 

That is the reason why I stopped kisses. I am not a joke. I am a real person, a woman with feelings that are immensely deep. 

So leave the french, the lizard and the seductive kiss behind. I long for the lingering, the forehead, the butterfly and the eyes of an angel kiss. THOSE are the most bits of sentimental to me. As for me kissing people, I am only genuine in doing such. Don't expect much. 

The things that kept me away so long from a kiss is that it all was superficial. None of it meant anything anymore. The emotion was callous and the effort was just mediocre. But if I ever gave a kiss to you in any form you must understand that I cared deeply. 

As from now on, yes I dare you to find a way to understand me. Dig a little deeper in understanding how a survivor of many things finds just a kiss. The way to find out, just act.

So just food for thoughts for those who always believed I just don't kiss. Yes it is personal. It is very deep and a kiss can touch all the right points I need it to. Though is that what is wanting to be shown?

I look forward to a time when I can be free to let the real me stand out. I like kisses. Just not the ones others like. Call me a fool, a sentimental romantic or an odd dreamer - I gladly accept those titles just so you understand I never hated to be kissed. Just didn't want to be a joke.