Understanding when I say I am good
Some people say the darnedest things that confuse you. Granted I am already one confusing, walking contradiction but I don't need the addition to go along with it. Similar to asking the crazy cat lady if she needs fifteen or twenty more cats. I mean seriously.
When someone says they are in a happy mood don't go all weird and say something that causes that concern to spike. Especially when there is complete calm.
Yes I know the last few days has been emotional and crushing but because Jehovah gave me someone to listen to me the calm overcame me. I was finally able to sleep and dream of grand things. Even though they may make no sense I am still good.
So now I am getting a ruse of yeah I care but I am also concerned. I am unclear on how to respond to things like that. When I am extremely indifferent to any situation right now I really don't want to think of anything that might spur reality in my Utopian ideals. So please be considerate when you speak.
To bring back up the harshness that I blended into your mind, I am sorry. You asked and I let it go. I have accepted what a new day can bring. Yes the weights I exploded yesterday are still lingering but not at the levels they had been. I am grateful for your eyes, ears and words.
I know I am capable of moving now. For that I am thankful that I was allowed to give someone the idea of my crash. Someone now knows that some days I crash hard and other days I am floating along in the world. Yet when I am at peace, I am not sure they understand what that feels like.
So let me explain. Calm is that of a clear breathe at the top of a mountain, viewing the majestic dynamics of life, of Jehovah's creations. Just being the small piece of the world. Peace is the floating on top of the water under an waterfall. Capable of watching the birds, the leaves and sky transition from light blue to dark navy black, watching stars glide and shine. Happiness is the bouncing on a trampoline inside my heart and stomach. Almost like glittery butterflies dancing around you. Joy is that of the kindness that is absorbed into my spirit. The courage I can tackle anything that is put in front of me. The indifference I am experiencing is the nice sauna experience after a hot shower. The cooling of the mind and thoughts that have overwhelmed me in the last few weeks.
I sigh. I hope you understand what it feels like. Have you ever felt these too? So don't be concerned unless I mention it. Because your prayers from days before have been answered. I am capable of strength and courage to keep going. Agape my sibling. Thank you.
So please understand that I realize I dream, I hope and I experience things in reality and in a utopian idea. Conflicting but I can deal with that. Can you? Will you? Thank you for the prayers. Thank you for being my listening soundboard. Sometimes I know I am full of hard wood but I do become like Balsa, soft and malleable.
Time. Thank you my sibling, my friend.
When someone says they are in a happy mood don't go all weird and say something that causes that concern to spike. Especially when there is complete calm.
Yes I know the last few days has been emotional and crushing but because Jehovah gave me someone to listen to me the calm overcame me. I was finally able to sleep and dream of grand things. Even though they may make no sense I am still good.
So now I am getting a ruse of yeah I care but I am also concerned. I am unclear on how to respond to things like that. When I am extremely indifferent to any situation right now I really don't want to think of anything that might spur reality in my Utopian ideals. So please be considerate when you speak.
To bring back up the harshness that I blended into your mind, I am sorry. You asked and I let it go. I have accepted what a new day can bring. Yes the weights I exploded yesterday are still lingering but not at the levels they had been. I am grateful for your eyes, ears and words.
I know I am capable of moving now. For that I am thankful that I was allowed to give someone the idea of my crash. Someone now knows that some days I crash hard and other days I am floating along in the world. Yet when I am at peace, I am not sure they understand what that feels like.
So let me explain. Calm is that of a clear breathe at the top of a mountain, viewing the majestic dynamics of life, of Jehovah's creations. Just being the small piece of the world. Peace is the floating on top of the water under an waterfall. Capable of watching the birds, the leaves and sky transition from light blue to dark navy black, watching stars glide and shine. Happiness is the bouncing on a trampoline inside my heart and stomach. Almost like glittery butterflies dancing around you. Joy is that of the kindness that is absorbed into my spirit. The courage I can tackle anything that is put in front of me. The indifference I am experiencing is the nice sauna experience after a hot shower. The cooling of the mind and thoughts that have overwhelmed me in the last few weeks.
I sigh. I hope you understand what it feels like. Have you ever felt these too? So don't be concerned unless I mention it. Because your prayers from days before have been answered. I am capable of strength and courage to keep going. Agape my sibling. Thank you.
So please understand that I realize I dream, I hope and I experience things in reality and in a utopian idea. Conflicting but I can deal with that. Can you? Will you? Thank you for the prayers. Thank you for being my listening soundboard. Sometimes I know I am full of hard wood but I do become like Balsa, soft and malleable.
Time. Thank you my sibling, my friend.
Comments
Post a Comment