Question gone awry
Someone asked me, jokingly, if I would ever think about getting
remarried. I thought for a good while before responding. I explained
that my heart and mind enjoy the independence I now hold. To turn to
someone for permission is kind of a hard thing. Even the flexibility I
have being a single woman, just is refreshing.
Though I did say that it would be nice to have someone else truly love and care for me. I mean my previous marriage consisted of me being the breadwinner, main source of income. Numerous times in fact. Though the idea that someone is searching for me is kind but it isn't a heavy weight in my mind. I don't really take consideration that I am any person's potential mate. Just not who I am.
I have accepted my place. I have learned that I can be just fine without that part of life again. Although I can honestly say that at one point in my life I thought I had found that special one. Indeed the excitement was there. Yet I was on a rebound of hurt and pain from former wife livelihood. I had to sit back and realize I was behaving like a fool. I was on rebound. What is rebound? What can it involve?
Rebound is where you were with someone for a certain amount of years and it was intense - in any form - and the relationship breaks. Not really sure how it breaks but it does. So in the terms of rebound you try to gain attention or seek out things you never did or got. You attract or attach yourself to things, people just to gain all that was lacking. This can cause you to fall into another relationship or terms that can potentially hurt you. In doing the fall, stumble you never really learn who you were supposed to become. What you were supposed to learn about yourself. By that time you are seeking all the attention from wherever you can and harming yourself in deeper ways than you can comprehend.
That is rebound. I have seen people fall and then crash. I learned for women, depending on her support system (family, friends) and her strength, it can take anywhere between 3 to 10 years to actually start to understand where she is supposed to be. For me I am in the learning process going on 7 years. I have learned where I am.
Yes even rebound for men is timing too. I have seen men bounce back after just 1 year up to 5 years. So take time to learn about who you are without someone.
I have learned so much that if I became someone's mate I am sure I would be difficult to control. I am a free spirited, wild child with such a vibrant outlook that I am certain I would drive any man to the insane asylum. I am not very outgoing nor am I loud.
I am a woman though. I do have baggage. However I didn't just unpack and leave it to swallow me up daily. Most of my life as a wife is gone. Life as a mother even smaller, even though I don't like that part. I unpacked the baggage only to throw some of it away. I have learned so much about me. Only parts I really need to work on is trust, patience, courage and loving all. Not that those are easy tasks but I am content that I know I have need of this work. I am happy that I will always need my spiritual food.
So will I ever remarry, this person asks again. I said I really don't think so. If I did it would be with someone I probably would want to throttle daily because my independence and his authority would conflict daily. Yet that would be a challenge I would be willing to take. That is if there is ever someone.
Truly though I value my independence and freedom well. Not in an egotistical way. Just the fact that my previous marriage was too much of heartache and restricting. I cannot say I would welcome that on anyone, not even those who hurt me.
Yet not all of it was bad. The first few months were delightful. Then I also had beautiful children. Sadness comes from time to time when I think about them. (no they are not with me and I didn't leave them because I wanted to leave them) Some day someone will ask and I will explain.
So dearly this person pressed more about if it was because I don't think I am capable of loving someone, finding someone who wants to be with me, does that scare me? or if it is just that I value what I have too much now?
I obviously changed the subject. Tender. The questions got too personal and the layers I had to peel back were not getting easy so I just decided to walk into another lighter conversation. Trick of not letting people get too close. They can harm too much and I don't deal well with that.
Though I did say that it would be nice to have someone else truly love and care for me. I mean my previous marriage consisted of me being the breadwinner, main source of income. Numerous times in fact. Though the idea that someone is searching for me is kind but it isn't a heavy weight in my mind. I don't really take consideration that I am any person's potential mate. Just not who I am.
I have accepted my place. I have learned that I can be just fine without that part of life again. Although I can honestly say that at one point in my life I thought I had found that special one. Indeed the excitement was there. Yet I was on a rebound of hurt and pain from former wife livelihood. I had to sit back and realize I was behaving like a fool. I was on rebound. What is rebound? What can it involve?
Rebound is where you were with someone for a certain amount of years and it was intense - in any form - and the relationship breaks. Not really sure how it breaks but it does. So in the terms of rebound you try to gain attention or seek out things you never did or got. You attract or attach yourself to things, people just to gain all that was lacking. This can cause you to fall into another relationship or terms that can potentially hurt you. In doing the fall, stumble you never really learn who you were supposed to become. What you were supposed to learn about yourself. By that time you are seeking all the attention from wherever you can and harming yourself in deeper ways than you can comprehend.
That is rebound. I have seen people fall and then crash. I learned for women, depending on her support system (family, friends) and her strength, it can take anywhere between 3 to 10 years to actually start to understand where she is supposed to be. For me I am in the learning process going on 7 years. I have learned where I am.
Yes even rebound for men is timing too. I have seen men bounce back after just 1 year up to 5 years. So take time to learn about who you are without someone.
I have learned so much that if I became someone's mate I am sure I would be difficult to control. I am a free spirited, wild child with such a vibrant outlook that I am certain I would drive any man to the insane asylum. I am not very outgoing nor am I loud.
I am a woman though. I do have baggage. However I didn't just unpack and leave it to swallow me up daily. Most of my life as a wife is gone. Life as a mother even smaller, even though I don't like that part. I unpacked the baggage only to throw some of it away. I have learned so much about me. Only parts I really need to work on is trust, patience, courage and loving all. Not that those are easy tasks but I am content that I know I have need of this work. I am happy that I will always need my spiritual food.
So will I ever remarry, this person asks again. I said I really don't think so. If I did it would be with someone I probably would want to throttle daily because my independence and his authority would conflict daily. Yet that would be a challenge I would be willing to take. That is if there is ever someone.
Truly though I value my independence and freedom well. Not in an egotistical way. Just the fact that my previous marriage was too much of heartache and restricting. I cannot say I would welcome that on anyone, not even those who hurt me.
Yet not all of it was bad. The first few months were delightful. Then I also had beautiful children. Sadness comes from time to time when I think about them. (no they are not with me and I didn't leave them because I wanted to leave them) Some day someone will ask and I will explain.
So dearly this person pressed more about if it was because I don't think I am capable of loving someone, finding someone who wants to be with me, does that scare me? or if it is just that I value what I have too much now?
I obviously changed the subject. Tender. The questions got too personal and the layers I had to peel back were not getting easy so I just decided to walk into another lighter conversation. Trick of not letting people get too close. They can harm too much and I don't deal well with that.
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