Night has calmed and I have dreams, holding onto hopes
Night is falling and the calm is coming. The viewings of things that make me laugh. Really make things move forward. The head clears and the projection of getting busy finds a hope. Holding onto the need to hug a few people. Not caring who views and questions, hold high on my list. Although I probably won't even go near them. For shame of a blushing face.
Silly I know. Perhaps the quirk in me that makes me weary of all those who I do treasure. All those I hope to hold in the open for more than a mere handshake or cheek to cheek kiss. Truly I am strange that I love hugs and yet I don't really get them from those I really need them from. Those who give me motivation to keep holding my head up.
In the end of it all I am probably selfish for wanting such a necessary motion in my life. Even that of the brotherly or fatherly kiss on the forehead. So genuine. The truth I understand as caring. Sounds so simple and childish but I want that in my life. I don't lack if I gain security from that, do I? I don't push either for someone to give me anything like that.
Most often my issue. I need to demand it but then it feels no longer a real caring gift. It feels like a forced part of a job. So how do I ask, how do I show the significance of these beautiful gifts? Ah I am uncertain. I just have to lay open a big hope with maybe a Mary smile. Maybe that will prompt.
Alas that is a plan, a goal but why not forget about it and hope for a spontaneous event?
So calm now. Not choking down any more crashing. Still holding onto some tears and if they fall it will be okay. Tonight is not a makeup night. Its a freckle fighting rusty face night. I am okay with the redness I may give off. Today has been so rough. So very shattering. I have been open about one subject but not many of others. Holding onto the hope that one day I may be able to explain them without hesitation. One can hope.
Still the night is young and my spirit is playful. My soul is weary and splotchy but I have to keep going. I have to encourage others with my smile. I have to make known my voice to Jehovah.
I sigh and gain a lot of nerves. Praying that the emotions stay hidden until the end of the meeting. Hoping that bits and pieces of me are maintaining good posture as the mind rattles on and on over things of little importance in my life. Well I have to place them there.
So I hope my evening unravels into many glances of smiles, holds lots of laughter and entertains a few quirks of the spotlight. So here I go. Getting ready and clinging to lots of hope in love and trust. Bringing in dreams of forehead kisses and huge hugs that demand views and not caring if who stares. I really hope. I really pray. But who is to know, no future is known.
Silly I know. Perhaps the quirk in me that makes me weary of all those who I do treasure. All those I hope to hold in the open for more than a mere handshake or cheek to cheek kiss. Truly I am strange that I love hugs and yet I don't really get them from those I really need them from. Those who give me motivation to keep holding my head up.
In the end of it all I am probably selfish for wanting such a necessary motion in my life. Even that of the brotherly or fatherly kiss on the forehead. So genuine. The truth I understand as caring. Sounds so simple and childish but I want that in my life. I don't lack if I gain security from that, do I? I don't push either for someone to give me anything like that.
Most often my issue. I need to demand it but then it feels no longer a real caring gift. It feels like a forced part of a job. So how do I ask, how do I show the significance of these beautiful gifts? Ah I am uncertain. I just have to lay open a big hope with maybe a Mary smile. Maybe that will prompt.
Alas that is a plan, a goal but why not forget about it and hope for a spontaneous event?
So calm now. Not choking down any more crashing. Still holding onto some tears and if they fall it will be okay. Tonight is not a makeup night. Its a freckle fighting rusty face night. I am okay with the redness I may give off. Today has been so rough. So very shattering. I have been open about one subject but not many of others. Holding onto the hope that one day I may be able to explain them without hesitation. One can hope.
Still the night is young and my spirit is playful. My soul is weary and splotchy but I have to keep going. I have to encourage others with my smile. I have to make known my voice to Jehovah.
I sigh and gain a lot of nerves. Praying that the emotions stay hidden until the end of the meeting. Hoping that bits and pieces of me are maintaining good posture as the mind rattles on and on over things of little importance in my life. Well I have to place them there.
So I hope my evening unravels into many glances of smiles, holds lots of laughter and entertains a few quirks of the spotlight. So here I go. Getting ready and clinging to lots of hope in love and trust. Bringing in dreams of forehead kisses and huge hugs that demand views and not caring if who stares. I really hope. I really pray. But who is to know, no future is known.
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