This day
Today has started out all rocky. Not really clear why I dreamed heavily of a place. Not even sure why the emotion was so heated.
Just waking up to being concerned and even having butterflies inside my stomach. All this yucky queasiness is just not what I hoped to feel this morning. I had hoped to feel calm again after all the stiffness I experienced in the night.
I expected some possible pain but nothing like what I saw in my dream. Ah but what are dreams? Just memories lost or mixed up, right?
Each day a long list is hoped. There is a movie reel flapping on the projector of what I expect for a day and yet I almost get the tension, the migraines for hoping too high.
Still only that of a few precious hours to tie me over, I imagine some part of today I will make, demand myself to rest again. Surely I am allowed to do so.
Alas those images that play. The heat that warms my muscles and my skin. Interesting just thinking on one cell of the memories I am capable of experience a temperature of a sauna. Indeed the grateful note.
So here I sit with absolutely no expectations. Just in a numb state. Striving my best to hold onto tangible things, people. And still the moments spill tears. I am all red and sniffling for some reason.
Ah yes a photo. One that just tells me I am clinging too hard.
But I will forget, I hope. Just curl back up into a ball in a warm cocoon. Claiming that area a safe zone to forget everything.
Surely that is a good thing. Because to feel that any parts of the rope is unwinding is devastating. Ah yet will I remember anything but that of horrid emotion?
Probably not. It works to your advantage. I suppose.
Just waking up to being concerned and even having butterflies inside my stomach. All this yucky queasiness is just not what I hoped to feel this morning. I had hoped to feel calm again after all the stiffness I experienced in the night.
I expected some possible pain but nothing like what I saw in my dream. Ah but what are dreams? Just memories lost or mixed up, right?
Each day a long list is hoped. There is a movie reel flapping on the projector of what I expect for a day and yet I almost get the tension, the migraines for hoping too high.
Still only that of a few precious hours to tie me over, I imagine some part of today I will make, demand myself to rest again. Surely I am allowed to do so.
Alas those images that play. The heat that warms my muscles and my skin. Interesting just thinking on one cell of the memories I am capable of experience a temperature of a sauna. Indeed the grateful note.
So here I sit with absolutely no expectations. Just in a numb state. Striving my best to hold onto tangible things, people. And still the moments spill tears. I am all red and sniffling for some reason.
Ah yes a photo. One that just tells me I am clinging too hard.
But I will forget, I hope. Just curl back up into a ball in a warm cocoon. Claiming that area a safe zone to forget everything.
Surely that is a good thing. Because to feel that any parts of the rope is unwinding is devastating. Ah yet will I remember anything but that of horrid emotion?
Probably not. It works to your advantage. I suppose.
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