Not choosing
You don't get to choose who remains in your life. You get to hope and pray they do. Yet don't stress over the ones that are lost.
Believe me I tried. I got heartache and despair trying to keep them in my life. I struggled to say conversations only to realize I was just talking more to myself than anything.
Those sad moments you realize things really have faded. I do dislike the pressure I felt I put on them to continue the strain. Why did I even suggest anything to remain? Why did the mind want all to stay?
Probaby the comfort zone. Once you are in it the hope's that nothing break into this bubble and taint it. And then it does and you actually have to change or adust to all the differences assaulting you.
It's good for me to be uncomfortable . This is where I learn about me. Grow. Hope. Love. Forget.
Definitely a fine understanding that there really was no safe bubble. There really was no safe arms. The words I spoke are now floating in the air. Ready to be used by all.
Though I am not surprised anymore by the inside attacks. I left myself vulnerable, open to those. I take full responsibility for being available .
And now I am just numb. Not confused or emotional . Just distant in a way. My words, now, fall to thousands who read yet none who I know.
I am good. I can take on the alone moments now. Realizing just how strong I was in the challenging days. Proving that once more I move by myself, for Jehovah and myself.
My words, my mindset and my emotions odd. As always I am a contradiction to many things. Misunderstood in any other ways.
Not sad. Not crying. Just hoping. Just dreaming. Thay today is a day full of mystery and wonder. The day where surprises do actually find me.
I can hope.
Believe me I tried. I got heartache and despair trying to keep them in my life. I struggled to say conversations only to realize I was just talking more to myself than anything.
Those sad moments you realize things really have faded. I do dislike the pressure I felt I put on them to continue the strain. Why did I even suggest anything to remain? Why did the mind want all to stay?
Probaby the comfort zone. Once you are in it the hope's that nothing break into this bubble and taint it. And then it does and you actually have to change or adust to all the differences assaulting you.
It's good for me to be uncomfortable . This is where I learn about me. Grow. Hope. Love. Forget.
Definitely a fine understanding that there really was no safe bubble. There really was no safe arms. The words I spoke are now floating in the air. Ready to be used by all.
Though I am not surprised anymore by the inside attacks. I left myself vulnerable, open to those. I take full responsibility for being available .
And now I am just numb. Not confused or emotional . Just distant in a way. My words, now, fall to thousands who read yet none who I know.
I am good. I can take on the alone moments now. Realizing just how strong I was in the challenging days. Proving that once more I move by myself, for Jehovah and myself.
My words, my mindset and my emotions odd. As always I am a contradiction to many things. Misunderstood in any other ways.
Not sad. Not crying. Just hoping. Just dreaming. Thay today is a day full of mystery and wonder. The day where surprises do actually find me.
I can hope.
Comments
Post a Comment