Can it hold me well?
I sat listening to the light pelts of rain hitting my forehead. Just absorbing the great feeling of being in nature. Not really being anyone in particular and not really falling away from myself either. Just kind of dreaming in a walking state.
Thinking, not too loud, over what is really causing me to get out there. So upset that there isn't really someone I can tell. So I just walk to get the emotions out.
Felt like lead today. Cement weighing me down. No want to move because that would mean I have to admit I am living. I just wanted to wallow in self pity because I wanted something. I just have to walk away from it all.
Keeping my head up. Looking at words that just irritate me. Yet I say absolutely nothing. Letting it slip all away from me. A sigh that follows and the reminders that I am me means I need to keep surviving. As much as the weight hurts I have to endure.
Shrugs this is my trial. It is so trivial to some but is so burdensome to me that I am unclear how to move. Yet I do. Only can be holy spirit from Jehovah moving me forward. I can't see as anything but that.
Truly remarkable just how empty I feel as a person. Words that cut. And still as I now sit here crying know all will be okay, as it always is. I can keep going. I have to be the pillar. The support that people need.
Yet when do I gain that support? I won't ask for help from too many. So here I am just listening to the silence of sniffles and light. Incredible is the way I have to be. Not perfect just stationary and real.
Yet all those words hurt. I cry. I want to lash out and yet a force holds me back. My mind says its not my place. I must endure. So I do.
Endure. Patience and strength to carry on. Uncertain what I may need to next I continue to rely on Jehovah. Apparently he is the only one that can keep promises. Opportunities and conversations.
That has to be enough. Can it hold me well?
Thinking, not too loud, over what is really causing me to get out there. So upset that there isn't really someone I can tell. So I just walk to get the emotions out.
Felt like lead today. Cement weighing me down. No want to move because that would mean I have to admit I am living. I just wanted to wallow in self pity because I wanted something. I just have to walk away from it all.
Keeping my head up. Looking at words that just irritate me. Yet I say absolutely nothing. Letting it slip all away from me. A sigh that follows and the reminders that I am me means I need to keep surviving. As much as the weight hurts I have to endure.
Shrugs this is my trial. It is so trivial to some but is so burdensome to me that I am unclear how to move. Yet I do. Only can be holy spirit from Jehovah moving me forward. I can't see as anything but that.
Truly remarkable just how empty I feel as a person. Words that cut. And still as I now sit here crying know all will be okay, as it always is. I can keep going. I have to be the pillar. The support that people need.
Yet when do I gain that support? I won't ask for help from too many. So here I am just listening to the silence of sniffles and light. Incredible is the way I have to be. Not perfect just stationary and real.
Yet all those words hurt. I cry. I want to lash out and yet a force holds me back. My mind says its not my place. I must endure. So I do.
Endure. Patience and strength to carry on. Uncertain what I may need to next I continue to rely on Jehovah. Apparently he is the only one that can keep promises. Opportunities and conversations.
That has to be enough. Can it hold me well?
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