I get silly when it comes to my pain
I don't really like days like these. Where I have to pick and chose what I do for the day. What is going to cause less exhaustion.
I ended up sleeping through the morning. Still a bit fragile and burning but I am going to push myself. I have to be doing that. If I don't I am going to sleep the entire day away.
Here I sit in the midst of fog and heat. Not hot and not cold. Indifferent. Everything I run my fingers over feels like silk.
Weird when these days come along. I really don't want to talk to anyone. Just sleep. Just stare at the wall. Yet I am not sad. Not even depressed. Just trying to figure out in my mind how I am going to move without needing to place pain elsewhere.
Clearly it is a hard task today. Not frowning and not smiling either. Just in a blah face. So dearest friend of mine you can text but not sure when I will respond.
Just staring out of my window in the hopes the day is nice enough that I won't need to take advil. I am really hoping.
Silly to write about my fragile state. This part of me I really don't want people to see. The parts where I really do hurt. Pain feels like throbbing lightning in my lips and arms and melting lava moving rapidly inside my legs. And in my back some weird scientist has scalped my spine taking it out and crushing it so I walk hunched over. With my shoulders it is as though I am carrying a grown man on my shoulders. Honestly when it comes to this types of pain I really can't meditate it away and can't place it in another part of me. I don't know how to deal with this.
Except to cry and try to sleep it off.
I didn't want to tell you. I just didn't want anyone to understand the pain. But I need to. I really need to.
So I am telling you why I so dislike these days. Most times it just happens at night but when it happens all day all my plans are scratched unless I push myself.
Today I plan on doing that. So friend, I hug you in a virtual world because hugging in the real world will feel like hugging lava.
I sigh. Planning out what to do before my plans at 1pm. I am hoping to be able to move faster than a sloth. We will see.
I ended up sleeping through the morning. Still a bit fragile and burning but I am going to push myself. I have to be doing that. If I don't I am going to sleep the entire day away.
Here I sit in the midst of fog and heat. Not hot and not cold. Indifferent. Everything I run my fingers over feels like silk.
Weird when these days come along. I really don't want to talk to anyone. Just sleep. Just stare at the wall. Yet I am not sad. Not even depressed. Just trying to figure out in my mind how I am going to move without needing to place pain elsewhere.
Clearly it is a hard task today. Not frowning and not smiling either. Just in a blah face. So dearest friend of mine you can text but not sure when I will respond.
Just staring out of my window in the hopes the day is nice enough that I won't need to take advil. I am really hoping.
Silly to write about my fragile state. This part of me I really don't want people to see. The parts where I really do hurt. Pain feels like throbbing lightning in my lips and arms and melting lava moving rapidly inside my legs. And in my back some weird scientist has scalped my spine taking it out and crushing it so I walk hunched over. With my shoulders it is as though I am carrying a grown man on my shoulders. Honestly when it comes to this types of pain I really can't meditate it away and can't place it in another part of me. I don't know how to deal with this.
Except to cry and try to sleep it off.
I didn't want to tell you. I just didn't want anyone to understand the pain. But I need to. I really need to.
So I am telling you why I so dislike these days. Most times it just happens at night but when it happens all day all my plans are scratched unless I push myself.
Today I plan on doing that. So friend, I hug you in a virtual world because hugging in the real world will feel like hugging lava.
I sigh. Planning out what to do before my plans at 1pm. I am hoping to be able to move faster than a sloth. We will see.
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