2 sides of me
Long night settling . Finally able to sit still long enough to paint. One scene is tranquil and the other is raging.
Truly the conflict inside of me. Saying I am wrong in my conclusion. Yet the hardest thing to do is walk away from a long managed friendship. The hardest steps are finding your worth, your boundaries and working with them.
Hoping friendships cling to the new ways. Yet can't expect them to because life experiences change us all. Sometimes we drift. Yet even still they could stand by your side.
There is never a way of knowing. No more guessing nor assuming that because I have been there for many years that the lines are still strong.
Even I am weak. I break a lot when I cannot defend nor help. Then I cry because I cared way too much for uncertain reasons. Yet I still cling to hope.
The battling inside of me can only be cured one way. I know of it, Jehovah places it before me. I just have to learn more patience. As I am striving to do. All I can do is hope, pray and practice.
I sigh because like my paintings tonight I am both tranquil in whatever has to be but angry because I have to accept anything that is given. I think it is unacceptable and yet I stay rested and silent.
So I am willing to do so many things to open up but not contradict my new limits. So here I sit sighing because the torture of no words to some are irritating me.
Yet I won't take the first step. If I am still in your life even with my new pieces then you have to say it because I am done guessing , wondering and chastising myself for overstepping .
Life's little twists and whatnot . Want to be my friend or stay being so, I gotta hear it.
Truly the conflict inside of me. Saying I am wrong in my conclusion. Yet the hardest thing to do is walk away from a long managed friendship. The hardest steps are finding your worth, your boundaries and working with them.
Hoping friendships cling to the new ways. Yet can't expect them to because life experiences change us all. Sometimes we drift. Yet even still they could stand by your side.
There is never a way of knowing. No more guessing nor assuming that because I have been there for many years that the lines are still strong.
Even I am weak. I break a lot when I cannot defend nor help. Then I cry because I cared way too much for uncertain reasons. Yet I still cling to hope.
The battling inside of me can only be cured one way. I know of it, Jehovah places it before me. I just have to learn more patience. As I am striving to do. All I can do is hope, pray and practice.
I sigh because like my paintings tonight I am both tranquil in whatever has to be but angry because I have to accept anything that is given. I think it is unacceptable and yet I stay rested and silent.
So I am willing to do so many things to open up but not contradict my new limits. So here I sit sighing because the torture of no words to some are irritating me.
Yet I won't take the first step. If I am still in your life even with my new pieces then you have to say it because I am done guessing , wondering and chastising myself for overstepping .
Life's little twists and whatnot . Want to be my friend or stay being so, I gotta hear it.
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