My plea was heard

It was just as I hoped. I am torn a little bit but I am grateful. I got what I begged from Jehovah. He read my heart so well.

Now the new part of life begins. I am happy. I hope for the good findings of myself. To be able to come back stronger. I just know I am not there. My path went way off course.

I even lied to try to maintain this one man. A fool. I wanted him to love me so much that I tried extremes to keep him. Exaggerating of females. Well yes I did show pictures but frankly if you were wise you could have found them on Google.

Yet you thought I would do those things. Oh no I wanted to please. But being reminded of rape and many years of abuse, no I would not go there.

So yes I lied to keep you interested in me. Well still a fool.

Hindsight.

I now live for me. In fact my entire family says walk away. Yet deep down I cannot erase Jehovah from my life. He used you to bring me to listen. I have to say thank you to both.

Yet. Now I have to learn to use myself to grow. No longer concerned about others and what they think of me. It's time to find me. Miss Mary.


So happy for the discipline. I knew Jehovah would see me begging for release. That I wasn't there, in the congregation, for the right reasons. In essence I already started hurting the peace.

And still. Yes.

I search for me. No one else. Each day is really mine.

I can't look back now. In just a few months I won't be here anymore. I will be exploring someplace I call home.

May you never find your way to my home and if you do walk away.