I am fierce
The rain opened the daylight towards the night times. The entertainment I gained from feeling peace. The scent that echoed inside my room. The need to free the joy. The escaping vibes of dancing. The music of we are young blasting inside my ears. Then the words of Coldplay settling the words of Scientist inside my spirit.
Just so much of me screams to be let out. So I sing at the top of my lungs and paint, write and draw. The parts of me that soar inside of simple parts of beauty. The pieces that make me feel real and free.
So much of today was looking over some things. Trying to figure out where would I be in a few years. Yet even when I tried to picture myself "free" I still felt confined. Yet was it a good way?
Then the talk today pointed out two things that hit my heart hard. Two things I know I need to work on BEFORE I even begin to come back to Jehovah's organization, if. So much of me weighs on these two points.
Where to begin?
Right now it is just focusing on trying to find my feet again. I am fierce in who I am now. Yet there is much I have yet to learn. I can only hope that Jehovah waits for me. Yet I am not clear on that.
And the wonder if I really want to know, now, no. I just want to lean upon all that is before me. Things that feel odd, and people who say they care, yet they don't. Love. BAH no one loves people. I am sorry but that isn't possible.
Especially after learning all I have.
Still I am fierce. Not vengeful. Just don't believe in love right now. Too much hurt that falls inside of me and I can't understand things. I just reach for the research right now.
I just am fierce in my mind. Spirit is feisty and I soar in that aspect but trust is lost. For now.
I am fierce. Searching. Jehovah sees that. But I have to learn to choose. Right now. I am just floating. Just being.
I am a fire. I burst and I have anger. Towards many. So I am just fighting me. I am fighting all that I have to do because once I do, I will be fine.
Right now I just have to be me. Discover the person and learn to love again. Then search for what I hope for.
Then I will be on fire.
Just so much of me screams to be let out. So I sing at the top of my lungs and paint, write and draw. The parts of me that soar inside of simple parts of beauty. The pieces that make me feel real and free.
So much of today was looking over some things. Trying to figure out where would I be in a few years. Yet even when I tried to picture myself "free" I still felt confined. Yet was it a good way?
Then the talk today pointed out two things that hit my heart hard. Two things I know I need to work on BEFORE I even begin to come back to Jehovah's organization, if. So much of me weighs on these two points.
Where to begin?
Right now it is just focusing on trying to find my feet again. I am fierce in who I am now. Yet there is much I have yet to learn. I can only hope that Jehovah waits for me. Yet I am not clear on that.
And the wonder if I really want to know, now, no. I just want to lean upon all that is before me. Things that feel odd, and people who say they care, yet they don't. Love. BAH no one loves people. I am sorry but that isn't possible.
Especially after learning all I have.
Still I am fierce. Not vengeful. Just don't believe in love right now. Too much hurt that falls inside of me and I can't understand things. I just reach for the research right now.
I just am fierce in my mind. Spirit is feisty and I soar in that aspect but trust is lost. For now.
I am fierce. Searching. Jehovah sees that. But I have to learn to choose. Right now. I am just floating. Just being.
I am a fire. I burst and I have anger. Towards many. So I am just fighting me. I am fighting all that I have to do because once I do, I will be fine.
Right now I just have to be me. Discover the person and learn to love again. Then search for what I hope for.
Then I will be on fire.
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