Bitter sweet
I had this wonderful but bitter car ride today. I stayed quiet for most of it until I remembered I am being blamed for all of this.
Makes me think that there are some major liars in this congregation. Or were.
To think that one person remains uncut from lists is tiring. I just see that I was not meant for here.
I came. Learned. And died.
I can't imagine what the purpose of death is. Except to waste away as nothing.
I am tired of all the blame. I was told I entire reason for the blame of separation. Really?
No. I cannot be only blame. I helped yes but there were many involved. Many that go way back before I ever came into the picture.
And yet I am weighted with that sole blame. I find that disturbing.
Yet I know how to stomach it. I know how to hold my head up. That is probably why I will not be coming back to this congregation after November.
My life will be different. I will no longer have to be subjection to that weight because I hope someone else comes forward, being the man or woman they are SUPPPOSED to be.
For this is wrong.
Yet I don't not appeal because I did my part.
But mark my words, someone will need to see there is more than me to blame.
Let's start in childhood. Draw that up. Start realizing that is where it should have been digested. Even dissected.
I won't fault people for their minds and imperfections but I hope someone owes up to their responsibilities of their actions.
For it will take a long time for me to realize that love existed in that congregation. A long time.
And so I look forward to my adventures in a new location. Yet for now I will have to learn to live more snide remarks and cruel stares.
Unlike you, I go for my spiritual food. Because I know I need it to keep my head on.
Makes me think that there are some major liars in this congregation. Or were.
To think that one person remains uncut from lists is tiring. I just see that I was not meant for here.
I came. Learned. And died.
I can't imagine what the purpose of death is. Except to waste away as nothing.
I am tired of all the blame. I was told I entire reason for the blame of separation. Really?
No. I cannot be only blame. I helped yes but there were many involved. Many that go way back before I ever came into the picture.
And yet I am weighted with that sole blame. I find that disturbing.
Yet I know how to stomach it. I know how to hold my head up. That is probably why I will not be coming back to this congregation after November.
My life will be different. I will no longer have to be subjection to that weight because I hope someone else comes forward, being the man or woman they are SUPPPOSED to be.
For this is wrong.
Yet I don't not appeal because I did my part.
But mark my words, someone will need to see there is more than me to blame.
Let's start in childhood. Draw that up. Start realizing that is where it should have been digested. Even dissected.
I won't fault people for their minds and imperfections but I hope someone owes up to their responsibilities of their actions.
For it will take a long time for me to realize that love existed in that congregation. A long time.
And so I look forward to my adventures in a new location. Yet for now I will have to learn to live more snide remarks and cruel stares.
Unlike you, I go for my spiritual food. Because I know I need it to keep my head on.
Comments
Post a Comment