Where I reside

At last I am home. My mind has pulled anything about you out. So much of me doesn't cling to anything and yet my heart says I lie.

Truth in it is that I do still have some hope and yet deep within me it is foolish. And still I know that further down the road my hope is not even laughable but true.

Still to shake that knowledge is hard. To forget all about what the mind knows on subjects. To cease the heart from thumping over long gone emotions.

Ahh but are they truly long gone? Not really but I have placed them in a box in a decisive manner to erase. I laugh at myself for the effort.

That is why I look forward to going away. To finally be not even close. Not even in hopes of bumping into people.  Nope. Just looking forward to being home.

So my travel back to where I reside my mind asked many questions I remained quiet it thinking them through, thoroughly. A hard task to do but necessary.

I don't grow if I admit I loved you. I only admit where I failed myself. I admit that only my view was obviously oblivious to the understanding of everything.  In which tends to be the story of my life.

Yet.

I still wonder about a few things. But I don't even bother because I know I will never get an answer. That was made crystal clear.

So here I sit in sandy clothes. I enjoyed my beach time. Seeing the water and trying to find bliss inside the moment alone.

Truly alone.

I did. Yet most of it was spent on thinking of you.

Why did I even bother?