I was a blessing and a curse
I lean my head down to pick up the stone before my feet. The swoosh of my hair tickle my naked arms and waist. The chills and laughter I find here is so gentle. The softness of the girl, woman I am begins to emerge. The curve of my newly forming hips. Soon they will sway with the finest silks hugging them closely. My smile widens as the day begins to fade into the orange burst of blue. Interesting how the dust of red hits my toes.
The smallest of hellos exit from little children running around me. The giggles and the clapping of laughter fall all around. My eyes of dark blue green flicker in the cooling heat. Oh how these children make me laugh. They find the sweetest parts of me. Then they exploit that I am their sister. Oh how I cannot be anything but joyful of their arms and hugs.
I see so much of me yet I was so busy in my childhood, forgetting children need to laugh and play. I was not a real child. Service is always needed.
Yet do I leave off what is there to be angry at the experience, no. I learn that now that I am older I don't really think I would have wanted things differently. It shows how my childish spirit comes out here and there. Even moments of youthful jealousy. Yet it is so innocent. No want of sweet revenge.
Though when I started my service to others, yes, revenge of their heat was inside of me. Then I grew to understand the reasons why I was put into a place such as this. My parents had too many children. I was the oldest and I could not sit there and lounge in the house as the younger ones did. There were too many mouths to feed.
Off I went.
Still to this day have learned much of what I need and what I don't want ever. So here I am turning 18. My arms are strong. My mind is dreamy yet firmly placed. My legs are strings under these heavy layers. My mounds and valleys are forming. Indeed as my mother said as her breath left her, just yesterday. I will be a blessing and a curse to the family.
Already today just walking down the street, I got stones tossed at my feet. I cared not of the attackers just of those beautiful children reminding me of my youth. The innocence of life out here in the wilderness.
And already, I have cast the curse within my family. I was born a headstrong girl. This now woman forgets the torn silk flowing behind her. This woman forgets that the hot breeze tickles her breasts. This woman, just 18 is long gone.
My mind died yesterday. Raped and tortured for being beautiful. Already a curse. Now unwanted and crazy. I drown myself in the river.
The children float flowers above me. I smile.
The smallest of hellos exit from little children running around me. The giggles and the clapping of laughter fall all around. My eyes of dark blue green flicker in the cooling heat. Oh how these children make me laugh. They find the sweetest parts of me. Then they exploit that I am their sister. Oh how I cannot be anything but joyful of their arms and hugs.
I see so much of me yet I was so busy in my childhood, forgetting children need to laugh and play. I was not a real child. Service is always needed.
Yet do I leave off what is there to be angry at the experience, no. I learn that now that I am older I don't really think I would have wanted things differently. It shows how my childish spirit comes out here and there. Even moments of youthful jealousy. Yet it is so innocent. No want of sweet revenge.
Though when I started my service to others, yes, revenge of their heat was inside of me. Then I grew to understand the reasons why I was put into a place such as this. My parents had too many children. I was the oldest and I could not sit there and lounge in the house as the younger ones did. There were too many mouths to feed.
Off I went.
Still to this day have learned much of what I need and what I don't want ever. So here I am turning 18. My arms are strong. My mind is dreamy yet firmly placed. My legs are strings under these heavy layers. My mounds and valleys are forming. Indeed as my mother said as her breath left her, just yesterday. I will be a blessing and a curse to the family.
Already today just walking down the street, I got stones tossed at my feet. I cared not of the attackers just of those beautiful children reminding me of my youth. The innocence of life out here in the wilderness.
And already, I have cast the curse within my family. I was born a headstrong girl. This now woman forgets the torn silk flowing behind her. This woman forgets that the hot breeze tickles her breasts. This woman, just 18 is long gone.
My mind died yesterday. Raped and tortured for being beautiful. Already a curse. Now unwanted and crazy. I drown myself in the river.
The children float flowers above me. I smile.
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