Talk to me

At times it is hard not to talk to anyone. Seems that everyone I wanted to talk to hurt me so bad that I washed their name from my life.

Still I want to talk. Yet no words could express what I want to say. Just gestures. By all means the only one is a shrug. Nothing more.

So I just find myself more and more quiet. Nothing much to say. Just listening to music in hopes to drown our my thoughts, those words left wandering in my mind.

And when I finally am able to say something to someone I realize it really isn't important anymore.  Because even though I so badly want to say something it is known that nothing is important enough to break vows anymore.

Just not worth the heartache.

So much of my life has been like that.  I so badly want to reach out but that hand of mine gets zapped one too many times. Then I shy away from wanting, hoping I am heard.

I just walk away. Learning no one really hears me because if they did they would say something.

Alas I just absorb myself in this golden wing back chair sipping hot chai tea. The slow ease of realization all bridges are burned. Bring themselves in the waters below.

I cry.

Yet I understand cruelty. I understand my place. I understand volumes but no one knew that. No one heard me when I spoke up on various occasion.

Yet now they whisper and carry on like nothing was there. Just the bump in the road, I was.

And I still keep moving. As much as it tears me today. I keep my head up and smiling. For no one will ever see me cry, nor the layers of me open.

Alas that is how I must be.

As always I carry on. I just wanted to say something. Yet I will leave it with the wind.