Significance of a thought

Yesterday so much happened. A slight scare of heart issues down to the seeing a paycheck fly away. Alas that is part of the way of the world, yes.


Then emptying myself into a small car ride. Enjoying the country side of life down the road on old 74. Getting back into the farmland. Truly felt like I was home. The roads twists and turning so much that I felt like I was racing down the roads in Vinton county Ohio. Racing and entertaining my father's Porsche 911.  The nooks and crannies of the beauty slipping me further and further into the youth I had once.


Oh this simple things.


The leaving of the city and holding onto the rugged pieces of life. The turnover of farm, hard work and pure food placed. It was a kind reminder of life that has been gone for me. Decades. Yet just one ride and I am reliving in their times.


Then the reality hits and I must get back to the hustle and bustle. Ah but the calm that is found there. Makes the heated discussions had, not so harsh.


Elementary.


So related that the step right back into the apartment door way the only thing I can think about is the need to listen to music. So the start of glee reruns come about. Primarily for the music not necessarily for the drama. Then into listening to Nina Simone, Etta James and Ma Rainey.


Forming the eyes and emotions to paint. The finally placing abstract and a bit of reality to the board. Relatively a grand fixation on flowers. Abstract globs of paint that represent flowers. Not that I beg for any. Just that the significance of never really receiving them aches.


Down into my marriage including. Only small children have given them to me. In due respect those are the ones I have treasured in books over a lifetime. Each one favorite book holds that treasure. Yet no adult has ever seen the significance of giving a stem to me.


Maybe it is the definition that is held there. The significance of concern or love. How about that of simple meaning of thoughts. Oh how I dare for those to entertain just the basics of what one flower does to brighten a face. Yet not the traditional stems. No not a rose, not a carnation and not even a Gerbera daisy - as much as I love them. Oh no. The stem of insignificance to all those superficial people.


One weed that meant nothing, that could fall from the arrangement unnoticed. That is the flower I ask for.


So I painted that flower. The inattentive one that floats away. Even stepped on. Not that I accept the stomping or leftover, no. Just the beauty that was left behind. I always buy flowers for me. I photograph beauties. I even let bees and bugs enjoy their radiance.


Yet how hard would it have been if the thought was there. Even for a moment.


Ah. A dreamer. A romantic.


Indeed that is me. And I do hope one day, someone finds the importance of giving me that one flower. The one that has a dying petal because every one else wants to throw it away. And yet, still there within the bud thrives a life. Like me. Just gotta lift off the dirt and weariness to see that beauty resides within.


So I paint.


The music brings me this kind of joy. Recalling the hope of just one person to think of me. Even if it was a long ago passing. Significance of a thought.


Indeed.