I understood the costs

Last night was rough. I held my ground and saw through the toughness. Yet at what costs. Many tears. Then in forms of blindness.

It is only fitting that the expressions of those around me needed to see I was willing to own up all the heartache. I was there to see just what my results were of my choices. I watched.

I knew some I didn't get around to telling. Those that I did understood enough not to bawl.

Then as I walked out I felt this great release. Only to go home to internal tears. Yes I lost myself as the evening faded to midnight.

Then even still my mind rolled over, was it worth it?

I could not answer that.

Then the migraine started. The blindness feel deep upon my eyes. The auras that come. The stroke like appearances. The odd speech.

This morning I woke to blindness in my right eye and haze over my left. My head strikes lightning and the soulast just becomes limp.

Silence.

There is no talking. No need for light in my room. Just the push for water. I close my eyes in hopes that the blackness is removed. Yet there is build up of all the stresses, and I cling to the darkness. I don't find comfort just peace to fall back to sleep.

Oh I did not cry but I felt the pain. So internally that I will remember yesterday. Marked in my life as another hemoplegic migraine. Totaling 4 major life stones. I just let this one happen.

I did nothing to stop it. All because it will help me grasp the pain, tears and disbelief of what transpired.  I need that to grow. I needed that to understand how far I fell.

It will be a tough road but I know many love me. When the time is right, I will be back.

Yet for now, I only request sleep and calm. Inside and outside my soul.  A peaceful sigh that brings my eyelids, back down to a sleep mode.

All in hopes, soon, the blindness is lifted and the strikes of lightning cease. Finally a calm settling over and life resumes.