Busted thoughts
Busy ordinary work things. Home cleaning and taking out trash. Been rough last week. Finding capabilities to finally be able to do that simple necessity.
So simple. Today is getting out of town for a little while. The excursion to nature. Something I need for today. I had told myself on Sunday that I wasn't going to meetings and even the Memorial.
Last night I said no. I have to maintain my spirituality because I need it. Yet the last few days I had been wondering why I was even drawn. I couldn't see it.
I still can't understand but if Jehovah still wants me, I will work as much as I can to get to him. Even though I know I cannot do some of the special days.
Yet no one needs to understand why.
Alas just the meditation. The need to continue this path. Granted I am looking forward to my move. The search is ongoing and the grandness in support I am getting is splendid.
Though I feel more supported by old friends than I did as a single sister. Not many people invited you places as one. And when they did invite you places it was for their gain.
I am not sure I ever fit in anywhere.
It's true. So I look forward to the new locations I will be searching for and the adventures I will be on. Clearly I will be enjoying and learning about myself and the life I will need to be in.
All goodness comes from this discipline.
I am sad that those who did get to know me, will be hurt when the announcement is read and I will be there when it is because I need to remember their faces. This will be motivation to help me.
Yet even the disappointment many will feel and the anger this is for the best. Soon I will not be important to them any longer. Then I will be gone.
I sigh. Knowing the frustration but I also learn to grow.
Every step now is what makes me shine. I have to do that before I can be confident in Jehovah. Just how it has to be.
Growing.
So simple. Today is getting out of town for a little while. The excursion to nature. Something I need for today. I had told myself on Sunday that I wasn't going to meetings and even the Memorial.
Last night I said no. I have to maintain my spirituality because I need it. Yet the last few days I had been wondering why I was even drawn. I couldn't see it.
I still can't understand but if Jehovah still wants me, I will work as much as I can to get to him. Even though I know I cannot do some of the special days.
Yet no one needs to understand why.
Alas just the meditation. The need to continue this path. Granted I am looking forward to my move. The search is ongoing and the grandness in support I am getting is splendid.
Though I feel more supported by old friends than I did as a single sister. Not many people invited you places as one. And when they did invite you places it was for their gain.
I am not sure I ever fit in anywhere.
It's true. So I look forward to the new locations I will be searching for and the adventures I will be on. Clearly I will be enjoying and learning about myself and the life I will need to be in.
All goodness comes from this discipline.
I am sad that those who did get to know me, will be hurt when the announcement is read and I will be there when it is because I need to remember their faces. This will be motivation to help me.
Yet even the disappointment many will feel and the anger this is for the best. Soon I will not be important to them any longer. Then I will be gone.
I sigh. Knowing the frustration but I also learn to grow.
Every step now is what makes me shine. I have to do that before I can be confident in Jehovah. Just how it has to be.
Growing.
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