Strength from within
I sit here in great wonder of myself and all that has happened. Just so much of me is grateful of the ways Jehovah gave me strength. As for those who think I am so far gone, not really. I am just trying to find me.
I grew up in the world and many parts of me are from there. The baggage I carry is from there. I have to let it go before I can come what is necessary to get back to Jehovah's favor. So much of me is in this lost stance. Though not really lost, just holding onto dreams and hopes.
So it is necessary to live those hopes and dreams knowing that Jehovah gave me the disfellowshipping to grow. I asked for it. In fact I even begged for it in a prayer or a few thousands. I am always finding new ways for finding who I am, myself.
Just yesterday I realized just how negative I was and then instantly felt positive. Just from talking to my best friend. One of the people I let go so I could pursue something I wanted so much more. I chose to leave. All because I had a taste of something I desired more. And then I realized that it was all exotic, forbidden fruit. Coming to realize that, harder, the second time around.
Sure that moment when you hit yourself hard because you realize you have been a player and played, user and used. Then you never really want to experience that again. As much as you loved that person you know there will never be another opportunity, ever!
It hurts. It really hurts but you gotta pick yourself up and wipe the dust off your feet and backside. Keep on trekking forward. Sometimes the hardest parts of who you are, to realize that there are no and, ifs nor buts. You just pick up and go. Watching as they all make their lives living in other ways with other people.
Being destroyed. Yes but it is the best thing that can happen to you. The learning comes from being placed at rock bottom or even bloody, muddy bottom because you can still thrive. It's the strength you gain from extending yourself out, almost too far, just to compensate surviving. Yet again it is another surviving mechanism.
Those things that you learn about yourself. Scary that some of them make you even hate yourself but you still achieve the message from what was experienced, yes?
Then there is that slow hope that you can transition back into some ideas and dreams that you held so dear. Those tiny steps of stress relievers. Like mine painting, jewelry and belly dancing. The slowness I have transforming them to a better level of relief will be the goal I make. No longer will I loOK to those from the past to help me. I project my name via me. Still word of mouth I carry.
Still concerned that the head of greed will follow through. Destroying the protection I have built for so long. And yet I know if it hits me, I know how to avoid it. I have been taught much. So I look forward to expanding my mind to newer levels. Then branching out into new forms of art. More like a rekindling art I was introduced to as a child. This time with a better frame of patience and understanding.
It's going to be good, interesting trail but I will keep my head on and balanced. No longer concerned if my personal instagram is found and blocked because I don't look for you anymore. I just don't need you in my life anymore. I am grateful to see that my friends support me. That is all I can hope for you.
When you branch out, you finally will enjoy all that the world has to offer you. In fact I hope that the choices you make, you find yourself. Alone. With others. Loving yourself and all those around you. Indeed I know this is possible.
Because I can do it, so can you.
I grew up in the world and many parts of me are from there. The baggage I carry is from there. I have to let it go before I can come what is necessary to get back to Jehovah's favor. So much of me is in this lost stance. Though not really lost, just holding onto dreams and hopes.
So it is necessary to live those hopes and dreams knowing that Jehovah gave me the disfellowshipping to grow. I asked for it. In fact I even begged for it in a prayer or a few thousands. I am always finding new ways for finding who I am, myself.
Just yesterday I realized just how negative I was and then instantly felt positive. Just from talking to my best friend. One of the people I let go so I could pursue something I wanted so much more. I chose to leave. All because I had a taste of something I desired more. And then I realized that it was all exotic, forbidden fruit. Coming to realize that, harder, the second time around.
Sure that moment when you hit yourself hard because you realize you have been a player and played, user and used. Then you never really want to experience that again. As much as you loved that person you know there will never be another opportunity, ever!
It hurts. It really hurts but you gotta pick yourself up and wipe the dust off your feet and backside. Keep on trekking forward. Sometimes the hardest parts of who you are, to realize that there are no and, ifs nor buts. You just pick up and go. Watching as they all make their lives living in other ways with other people.
Being destroyed. Yes but it is the best thing that can happen to you. The learning comes from being placed at rock bottom or even bloody, muddy bottom because you can still thrive. It's the strength you gain from extending yourself out, almost too far, just to compensate surviving. Yet again it is another surviving mechanism.
Those things that you learn about yourself. Scary that some of them make you even hate yourself but you still achieve the message from what was experienced, yes?
Then there is that slow hope that you can transition back into some ideas and dreams that you held so dear. Those tiny steps of stress relievers. Like mine painting, jewelry and belly dancing. The slowness I have transforming them to a better level of relief will be the goal I make. No longer will I loOK to those from the past to help me. I project my name via me. Still word of mouth I carry.
Still concerned that the head of greed will follow through. Destroying the protection I have built for so long. And yet I know if it hits me, I know how to avoid it. I have been taught much. So I look forward to expanding my mind to newer levels. Then branching out into new forms of art. More like a rekindling art I was introduced to as a child. This time with a better frame of patience and understanding.
It's going to be good, interesting trail but I will keep my head on and balanced. No longer concerned if my personal instagram is found and blocked because I don't look for you anymore. I just don't need you in my life anymore. I am grateful to see that my friends support me. That is all I can hope for you.
When you branch out, you finally will enjoy all that the world has to offer you. In fact I hope that the choices you make, you find yourself. Alone. With others. Loving yourself and all those around you. Indeed I know this is possible.
Because I can do it, so can you.
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