The paint peels
The paint is barely drying and I am already trying to scratch it off. The mind is holding down the words of emptiness and the indifferences I feel. The emotions descend into this spiral. Tiny then a monstrosity. Indeed this is how the spirit feels.
Not lost just creating a hole beneath the supports of pillars. The designed weights built to withstand all the pressures that may assault me today. Yet I am not unnerved by it. I now have built that thicker wall, thicker skin that helps protect me from the worst looks and badmouthing words.
Seriously not affected by the stares either. Nor the possibilities of a look from one or two people. I have built so much in the last few weeks that the mind isn't scared of all the uncertainty. Just hoping that the steps are firm.
Not a question of where I fall but where do I go after that fall. Still I know I will be alright. I have learned so much about myself in the last few weeks that I am grateful, so much, for the discipline. I have learned that I am strong with him only. People, no. I don't trust them.
As for loving. Oh that will take a few months before I am capable of showing that to people outside my family. When I start doing that, I will think about what God wants me to do. Then I will pray on it. But for now, I am learning about what helps me grow stronger. Leaning into that lesson.
So sure the paint peels. Life fades here and there. Yes the heart still has emotions. The mind even tries to shut them down. Still there is anger and aches. Soon those things will come to pass. Then life will be a new chapter and a new lesson.
The mind keeps thinking and the time keeps ticking. So I know I will be alright.
In due time.
Very soon.
Not lost just creating a hole beneath the supports of pillars. The designed weights built to withstand all the pressures that may assault me today. Yet I am not unnerved by it. I now have built that thicker wall, thicker skin that helps protect me from the worst looks and badmouthing words.
Seriously not affected by the stares either. Nor the possibilities of a look from one or two people. I have built so much in the last few weeks that the mind isn't scared of all the uncertainty. Just hoping that the steps are firm.
Not a question of where I fall but where do I go after that fall. Still I know I will be alright. I have learned so much about myself in the last few weeks that I am grateful, so much, for the discipline. I have learned that I am strong with him only. People, no. I don't trust them.
As for loving. Oh that will take a few months before I am capable of showing that to people outside my family. When I start doing that, I will think about what God wants me to do. Then I will pray on it. But for now, I am learning about what helps me grow stronger. Leaning into that lesson.
So sure the paint peels. Life fades here and there. Yes the heart still has emotions. The mind even tries to shut them down. Still there is anger and aches. Soon those things will come to pass. Then life will be a new chapter and a new lesson.
The mind keeps thinking and the time keeps ticking. So I know I will be alright.
In due time.
Very soon.
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