Contemplate
Sitting here contemplating all that had happened this evening. The best parts were of the hugs of those who knew me well enough. Those who understood where I had come from.
Interestingly enough I realized tomorrow wi be hard but I have people wanting to support me even when they know I have done horrible things. Granted they don't know the depth but still willing to support me.
I don't know about you but that is the best thing ever. Even more so it overpowers all that could assault you.
Genuine. Something I haven't seen much of.
Onward is the first steps of looking in on a day. Looking and even dissecting the pieces. Observing the layers and digging onto the realness of the whole situations.
Interesting is how much a part can be found. How much one tiny detail can be heard.
All I know is that you read my work. I have no idea why. I am not a part of your life. You gave up on that long ago. Yet you still are curious how I move along.
I don't understand. Perhaps there is a form of remorse in you. Yet I don't read your heart. I can't see the layers under dust and dirt but someone will.
All I can do is continue to write. This is my therapy and my way to communicate. I don't expect any responses, ever. I would never ask.
I just hope you continue to find yourself seated at Jehovah house. If not to fully feel anything, but that of just listening. That is all I can hope for. Because the people there love you. Where ever you go.
Yet finding yourself after the announcements. That will be the parts that break you. For hearing it and being there when they announce it shows you need to see and understand what you have done.
Remorse.
When you get there, feel yourself in the right places and it finally kicks you in the butt. Lean in and ask for Jehovah's help.
Just don't let anyone else be the reason you are going. Remember each step is you. You moving towards Jehovah, when you are ready.
Even with me. I know that I haven't found my way back yet. Yet I know I need to research the bits in the Bible teach book, to find myself again.
In Jehovah's eyes.
Until then I am looking in. Not asking yet. Just observing.
When I am ready I will lean in and beg for help.
Not yet though.
Interestingly enough I realized tomorrow wi be hard but I have people wanting to support me even when they know I have done horrible things. Granted they don't know the depth but still willing to support me.
I don't know about you but that is the best thing ever. Even more so it overpowers all that could assault you.
Genuine. Something I haven't seen much of.
Onward is the first steps of looking in on a day. Looking and even dissecting the pieces. Observing the layers and digging onto the realness of the whole situations.
Interesting is how much a part can be found. How much one tiny detail can be heard.
All I know is that you read my work. I have no idea why. I am not a part of your life. You gave up on that long ago. Yet you still are curious how I move along.
I don't understand. Perhaps there is a form of remorse in you. Yet I don't read your heart. I can't see the layers under dust and dirt but someone will.
All I can do is continue to write. This is my therapy and my way to communicate. I don't expect any responses, ever. I would never ask.
I just hope you continue to find yourself seated at Jehovah house. If not to fully feel anything, but that of just listening. That is all I can hope for. Because the people there love you. Where ever you go.
Yet finding yourself after the announcements. That will be the parts that break you. For hearing it and being there when they announce it shows you need to see and understand what you have done.
Remorse.
When you get there, feel yourself in the right places and it finally kicks you in the butt. Lean in and ask for Jehovah's help.
Just don't let anyone else be the reason you are going. Remember each step is you. You moving towards Jehovah, when you are ready.
Even with me. I know that I haven't found my way back yet. Yet I know I need to research the bits in the Bible teach book, to find myself again.
In Jehovah's eyes.
Until then I am looking in. Not asking yet. Just observing.
When I am ready I will lean in and beg for help.
Not yet though.
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