Last bits of encouragement

The last bits of encouragement before I get my feet on the road. The first steps are scary but I know I will make it.

I have to. I have to see my grandfather come back in his resurrection. I have to be there. Yet I lost my want for that. I knew I fell.

I had to so I could start again. Not new but refreshed and absorbent of everything. Right now so much of it is bouncing off and not going anywhere. I have to get to that point of wanting that closeness to Jehovah.

He knew that. That is why my plea was answered. I knew what I did was wrong but I kept going. I wanted it all from this man. And all I have now are names he labelled me and some random memories.

For now I am low, angry and relieved. I will not appeal. I know my place. Only regret is not being convinced nothing could stand in my way. Alas I was fooling myself. I was weak for a man, one I had hoped wanted me.

Yet it is hindsight. Life to carry on.

Onward as the last bits of encouragement are said. So many stick out. Buried in my mind. One day.

One day I will be back. Just not this year.