Yes I was in rant mode

So not a part of myself today. So much of me hurts and I will complain now. The levels are only at  an eight, for me. Perhaps for someone else they would be a twenty. Yet I just let the day go by. 

The many times a day I feel sick and nothing I can do but explain I am exhausted. All because my doctor doesn't want to officially sign off on anything so I can hand it to my human resources. It is all funny how pieces never quite fit.

So the results of tests after test prove that I am exactly diagnosed but just the confirmation. Such a hard task for a doctor, I would say not.

Yet I exhibit layers and layers of exhaustion, pain, throbbing, burning of lava in skin, hives, rashes, acne, dryness, thyroid swelling, chills, insomnia, sensitivities. Yet no one wants to put a name to it because the cards of coverage don't stretch that far. 

Why is that?

Still I sit here trying to swallow a sip of water, coughing and just typing away. Allowing the chills to form goosebumps all over my arms. Indeed I blink and realize that there is a great possibilities of sleep tonight. Yet I hesitate to confirm until the morning.

I am almost excited at the prospect. Today was a long day. Though only because I know I was in a full crash mode. Already there. The dryness, the hives and the chills push me to an unstable mental capacity. 

Telling myself that sleep is a must and if worse becomes more and more apparent something HAS to give. I can't keep pushing myself only to watch my steps melt before my eyes.

There is no peace in that. No joy in the understanding. 

Yet all I need is for someone to admit that what I feel is not all in my mind. To finally have someone look into the symptoms I experience and say, yeah this is true and this is what its called.

A dream perhaps but still can be reality.

Just a way to understand and keep moving forward. 

So I blink longer and receive the chills. A moment to say good night before the throat closes more. Indeed a small smile sits here still as the soul is in final descent. Converting to shut down. No no not in sleep but in repairing and a grander scale of restoration.

Now I just need a voice to be able to call work. Alas I don't know if I have one anymore.

Too bad I know no one to do it for me. 

Good night all.