Admit
I started to write this poem about wanting joy and peace, yet the only thing that keeps playing chords inside my mind is how to talk to you. Yet there is absolutely no reason to.
I mean what would I say but hello and then walk away. Truth.
Deep inside of me just laughs. The cynical kind not joyous. Only because I must be a fool to want to have that conversation back. Just for days here and there. Not to do anything else. I think that is the pain of withdraw for me.
Though I have been doing well for myself. Not once have I had the need to do anything that would put us in places together save the one that cast me out. But that was for spiritual growth. Yet I know I wasn't growing anymore. I was just making appearances to show that I was making efforts.
Only to realize that I wasn't wanted there, anymore. I didn't see the purposes to keep harming myself. For the uncertainty that was clear. I wasn't doing anything. I wasn't even helping you. So there was no need for me to linger after the decisions of the older ones were made.
And now there have been many long days. Sure there are times I want to admit that I regretted and still I really don't. I have learned so much from the friendship. The interesting beginning and the explosive ending. Yet I didn't end it. I just said good bye.
Doesn't mean that I can't find the ropes to help cross a raging river. But things have to be understood.
I speak softly what is expected, do you want to know? Whispers are the answers. Sure my mind and heart are in balance and I feel wonderful. Even after all this that has happened this week. Indeed I see better things coming about. I can rest easily.
Sure I have my moments of grief but then I shake my head and am proud of the lessons you taught me. Sure I was angry at you. But if you have had known me thus far you know that I forgive you easily. Even this time.
I maintain my distance only because I wish no harm done to you. I want only good things for you.
Perhaps people would call me a fool. No I am not. I just know what I want. I want my friend back. I want the conversations. Not that I would ever expect to get that but I am just placing it here. I can't be afraid of admitting I still would like to talk.
Yet what does that do? It only shows you that I am weak. But I don't care. I am strong. If I can pull through this and still ask for friendship.
Yet that is probably far from your thoughts. So far that you'd walk the other way than near me.
Ah. Whatever. I had to say it. It had to have a voice.
So much differences now. And its bliss.
Yet. I hope. just for conversations.
Placing it there. Here. Now walking away from this poem.
Not afraid of the answers. Not backing down once approached. Just tired of walking on eggshells. Its STUPID.
Seriously the dumbest thing ever, why? Ah yes peace.
I mean what would I say but hello and then walk away. Truth.
Deep inside of me just laughs. The cynical kind not joyous. Only because I must be a fool to want to have that conversation back. Just for days here and there. Not to do anything else. I think that is the pain of withdraw for me.
Though I have been doing well for myself. Not once have I had the need to do anything that would put us in places together save the one that cast me out. But that was for spiritual growth. Yet I know I wasn't growing anymore. I was just making appearances to show that I was making efforts.
Only to realize that I wasn't wanted there, anymore. I didn't see the purposes to keep harming myself. For the uncertainty that was clear. I wasn't doing anything. I wasn't even helping you. So there was no need for me to linger after the decisions of the older ones were made.
And now there have been many long days. Sure there are times I want to admit that I regretted and still I really don't. I have learned so much from the friendship. The interesting beginning and the explosive ending. Yet I didn't end it. I just said good bye.
Doesn't mean that I can't find the ropes to help cross a raging river. But things have to be understood.
I speak softly what is expected, do you want to know? Whispers are the answers. Sure my mind and heart are in balance and I feel wonderful. Even after all this that has happened this week. Indeed I see better things coming about. I can rest easily.
Sure I have my moments of grief but then I shake my head and am proud of the lessons you taught me. Sure I was angry at you. But if you have had known me thus far you know that I forgive you easily. Even this time.
I maintain my distance only because I wish no harm done to you. I want only good things for you.
Perhaps people would call me a fool. No I am not. I just know what I want. I want my friend back. I want the conversations. Not that I would ever expect to get that but I am just placing it here. I can't be afraid of admitting I still would like to talk.
Yet what does that do? It only shows you that I am weak. But I don't care. I am strong. If I can pull through this and still ask for friendship.
Yet that is probably far from your thoughts. So far that you'd walk the other way than near me.
Ah. Whatever. I had to say it. It had to have a voice.
So much differences now. And its bliss.
Yet. I hope. just for conversations.
Placing it there. Here. Now walking away from this poem.
Not afraid of the answers. Not backing down once approached. Just tired of walking on eggshells. Its STUPID.
Seriously the dumbest thing ever, why? Ah yes peace.
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